Okay, first thing’s first.
Donald Sterling should have no ownership stake in any professional sports franchise. He is a bigoted abomination in today’s cultural age. He is the materialization of Kanye West’s line, “racism’s still alive, they just be concealing it.”
So, yay Steve Ballmer! Thanks for liberating the sports world from this honkey-tyrant. But, at the same time, thanks a lot, Steve Ballmer (in our most sarcastic tone). Because now that you entered the fold, the landscape of organizational valuation is out the window.
For those unfamiliar with the new Clippers majority owner, Steve Ballmer is the CEO of Microsoft and has a personal valuation of roughly $20 billion. Not too shabby. This is while the rest of us have a personal valuation of, oh, I don’t know, a half-eaten tofurky and sprouts sandwich without any sauce.
But no matter the perspective you view the situation from, even in the world of sports owners, Steve Ballmer is richer.
Which brings us to our realization that Steve Ballmer is the Yankees of professional sports ownership.
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See, after Kevin Durant and the once-Supersonics up and left Seattle, Ballmer made it his life’s work to bring basketball back to the Emerald City. Ballmer represented the savior for fans who wondered how the NBA could let a team like the Sonics walk away (an event that, as an NBA fan, still feels wrong).
But now the veil has been lifted.
Let’s look at this situation as if it were an MLB free agency: Let’s say hypothetically, the Yankees have a gaping hole at third base (hypothetically) and despite (hypothetically) still owing roughly a hundred million dollars to an aging, PED-abusing, former superstar, are looking to spend a shit ton of money on the free market.
(Hypothetically.)
The thing about the Yankees is, they’re rich assholes.
It doesn’t matter what other teams think a player is worth, they will pay more because they can. That is how A.J. Burnett makes $80 million after already committing $340 million to Mark Teixeira and C.C. Sabathia. That is how they can give nearly $500 million more this past offseason while their past investments fester. Money isn’t an object to them like it is others. They can simply pay more, and keep paying.
The Seattle Supersonics situation was the best looking player on the market. Granted, this player isn’t a superstar — but they’re the best available. A frugal franchise would recognize them for what they are — a long shot to be a big contributor (translation: net an NBA franchise). But the Yankees don’t recognize the combination of letters that spell “frugal,” and a long shot can be paid like an All-Star. So Steve Ballmer put money into an ownership group in Seattle, and he kept attaching his name to that free agent as though he really, truly desired his services.
And then V. Stiviano hit record.
Suddenly, that free market changed rapidly. Nobody cares about Seattle’s possibility of having an NBA franchise. There was a real-life, brick-and-mortar team sitting on the market. Granted, they’re a trouble-ridden mess of a franchise that by almost all accounts are run disastrously … but they’re real! They can fill that hole at third base immediately! Sure, they might strike out 200 times a year, but they just might hit 40 home runs! (What up, Mark Reynolds?)
And now that the Yankees (translation: Ballmer) have identified a tangible opportunity, they are ready to pounce. No matter the price.
$2 billion for the Clippers? The Clippers?! Great, they’re in Los Angeles, and sure, maybe the explosion of television revenues are really to blame. But if the Clippers are worth $2 billion, what are the Lakers worth? The Knicks? Hell, even the Raptors appear worthy of at least a billion by that metric.
When Steve Ballmer (or the Yankees) spend more than anybody else is willing to, the rest of the future free agents start to get an inflated perception of their own worth.
That is why people are beginning to speculate about the prospects of the Buffalo Bills ownership’s future payday. After the Clippers netted $2 billion for the sole reason of being in Los Angeles, it begs the question of how much an NFL franchise would be worth in the city of Lost Angels? There are already whispers of buy-and-move candidates lining up at the Wilson family’s door. The NFL’s revenues dwarf those of the NBA, so if the NBA in LA can be worth $2 billion, what would the NFL be worth?
Even if the actual valuation of the franchise is far less than billions, now that Steve Ballmer signed that check, the thought is in owners’ minds.
Once again, the Yankees raised the market value, and in the process, screwed everyone else over.
