As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. Lent is over, Easter has come and gone and we’re now free of our shackles. We all did very well during the challenge. Actually, we all did a hell of a lot better than I thought we would! The real question now is how did we do when Easter landed? Did we revert to our previous wicked ways? Let’s check in, shall we?
WARNING: There’s some strong content in here, so proceed accordingly!
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
I can’t believe I went this long without beer and fries! I must admit the first taste of an ice cold Blue Moon was about as orgasmerific as the first time I… (Different story, another time.) It took me about 5 minutes to finish the first beer and realize that I needed to play beer pong. So off I went. I spent Easter morning playing beer pong with my cousins and after two hours realized I had to be at church in about 4 hours. I probably smelled like a dirty whore right off the corner of Crenshaw Blvd. I’m surprised they didn’t ask me to leave.
As for the fries…I still haven’t had any. I’m going strong! The problem is, I put fries on a pedestal, you know, like the pussy pedestal. Now, I don’t want to eat just any fries. I want the best fries! It’s like getting my cherry popped all over again. I’m sure it will hurt a bit but afterwards I’ll be a whore for fries.
Congrats to all you bitches who made it through the challenge!
P.S. Even our leader loves his Blue Moon!
Breequana (Hot Cheetos and Beer)
I made it!!! 40 LONG days and 40 LONG nights without hot cheetos and beer! YAY ME!
This last week was not easy. In fact Saturday was the hardest day. I took a day trip to San Luis Obispo to spend the day at the beach with my sisters. It was such a nice day. The sun was out, there was a nice breeze, the sound of the wave crashing and children playing was so peaceful. It was perfect, until:
OH NO!!! Hot Cheeto Sandwiches everywhere! FML. It was like a scene out of a horror movie. My life was flashing before my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I curled up in the fetal position and started chanting: There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. My sister Phaloula slapped me around and I snapped out of it. Damn it Jeebus, that was mean!!
Nevertheless, I made it. It was a long journey and I would like to thank everyone that put up with my mood swings. FIN . . . until the next challenge!
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
I love vodka and it loves me! Were the perfect union… Vodka =’s happiness and good times!
Things to do ….
Ketel and cran
Blueberry vodka sprite and cran
Kamakazi shots
Vodka soda
Fishbowl
Bath in a tub of Vodka its good for the skin and the soul
Sunset Martini
Sakitini
Crystini
I love words that end in *Tini
P.S be green save water … drink VODKA
Skonkita (Starbucks)
Unfortunately, child social services finally caught up with Skonkita and she is now in custody. Happily, though, she never did have any Starbucks during the challenge. Horrible mother, strong-willed challenger!
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
39 days and 39 nights. I failed one day. Here’s the thing though, I don’t want to hit anyone anymore. Ironic, don’t you think? FML. Oh, well. Cheap anger management—it only cost me $30.
Big Skeezy (Coffee and Cigarettes)
I held on pretty good for the entire run, and I’m pretty proud of myself. On Saturday (Easter Eve), however, I was out with some friends for a birthday shindig which involved massive amounts of food, alcohol and dancing. I *might* have been the slightest bit intoxicated when a friend of mine stepped outside to have a smoke. I looked at my watch, saw it was 12:04 AM Easter Sunday, and – I crap you not – skipped out the door and took one from him:
It wasn’t nearly as good as I thought it would be but I didn’t care. For those of you who think I’ve gone back to full-time smoking, no, that’s not the case. I did, however, follow through with my promise to try one of Breequana’s “super menthol” cigarettes, which I had on Tuesday. Good lord that thing was strong! And no, it doesn’t make you breathe better. It just kills all the feeling in your throat which gives the illusion of open air passages. In reality, your lungs are being gut punched by an onslaught of super menthol.
And there you have it, folks! Despite a few transgressions we all made it through alive and seemingly better for it! Will there be another challenge? I would almost guarantee it, but only time will tell. Thanks for tuning in and we’ll see you next time!
