The Minnesota Star Tribune started a “War of the Worlds” type panic yesterday when they announced that everyone’s star sign had changed. Tattoo parlors began to salivate at the thought of the millions of people who would now need new astrological tattoos as people of all ages ran to their favorite social media outlet to decry the findings.
In case you’ve been on in a cave on Mars with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears for the past 24 hours, the article said that due to the moon’s gravitational pull on Earth, the stars no longer align the way they did a millennia ago. In essence, the alignment of the stars had been pushed about a month resulting in this new breakdown for the signs:
Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.
Wait, Skeezy! There are only twelve signs of the Zodiac! What’s with this new-fangled thirteenth Ophiuchus character? Ophiuchus is the snake-charmer, pictured here:
He was originally in the Zodiac but was dropped because they only wanted twelve. Poor Ophiuchus’ days got lumped into Scorpio.
So it turns out that this “your sign changed” info is only SLIGHTLY true. Yes, the Earth has shifted and, yes, there is a 13th member of the Zodiac. The reason, however, that this means absolutely nothing to most of us is because it effects the sidereal zodiac, which is fixed to the constellations and followed predominantly in the east. For all of us westerners, we follow the tropical zodiac, which is fixed to seasons and those haven’t changed in the slightest. Aries still starts on on equinox and Libra starts on the other, two dates that are fixed to the seasons and have been since they were set up that way by Ptolemy in the second century.
So don’t worry, fellow Aries – you’re not a stupid Pisces now.
