Graduations, for the most part, are terribly boring. At least that’s what I remember most about the last one I attended, which was four years ago. It was the business school graduation at the University of Washington, during which hundreds of people probably (okay, definitely) much smarter than me received their diplomas. It didn’t start well. The commencement speaker took for-goddamn-ever — as soon as it was over, I couldn’t even tell you what she’d said.
Then, they started distributing diplomas, and that’s when the whole thing became infinitely more entertaining.
Girls — dozens of them — in ridiculous heels. Many of them looked like they’d never worn heels in their entire lives, yet there they were, taking four-inch platforms out for a test drive in front of thousands of people. As with most graduations, there was a stage. There were stairs going up, which lent the assist of a handrail. Going down was another story: a ramp straight down the middle. Now that was a show. If they weren’t stumbling down the slope like baby deer, they were at least shuffling along with baby steps, trying not to be that girl who eats it in her gown.
Unfortunately, the girl you see above is that girl. Props to her for staying relatively upright for as long as she did, but there’s a reason physics and gravity have strong winning percentages.
[Barstool]
About John Ferensen