As reported yesterday by The Diplomat, we were asked back to babysit Girl Baby for another evening.  Let’s set the scene:

4 people involved. (All names are changed to protect anonymity).

1) Wendi – The mother of the baby who is leaving to go to a martial arts class again.  Still from the South.

2) The Baby – a Girl Baby. One week older than when we last saw her.

3) Scott – 36 yr old gentleman. Good guy. Dashing, to say the least.

4) Wii – 29 yr old girl, married happily. Kind of hung over.

Here’s how it all went down:

6:30 – Arrive.  Wendi took note from last week’s blog and, while she didn’t clean, she did spray air freshener.  Smells lovely.  Wendi whips out a nip and starts to feed Girl Baby.  No pics allowed, apparently.  Wii is hung over.  I turn on the Yankees/Twins game.

Game One - ALDS

6:32 – Girl Baby gets pulled off the boob and she does NOT like it.  Starts crying.  Coming over to Uncle Scotty now.

6:35 – Wendi demonstrates the “perfect ponytail”, a oddly phallic device made for women too lazy to put a damn scrunchie in their hair.  Ah, progress.

The "Perfect Ponytail"

6:43 – Girl Baby was doing just fine until she peed.  Now she’s started screaming like a banshee.  Hell of a set of lungs on her but she’s more or less just being dramatic.  Waiting for Wendi to leave so I can hit the bar. 

6:47 – Put Girl Baby in vibrating chair.  She couldn’t be happier and hey, who wouldn’t be happy in a vibrating chair?  Wii is still hung over and offering nothing constructive.

Vibrating Chair

6:51 – Wendi has finally left which is good because she was cramping my style.  Girl Baby slowly falling asleep in the vibrating chair.  Time to hit the fridge…

7:00 – DiGiornio and two beers liberated from the kitchen.  Wii decides to chip in and help out by putting the pacifier back in Girl Baby’s mouth.

The Pacifier Game

7:06 – Girl Baby enjoying a 3-0 Minnesota lead in the top of the fifth.

7:10 – Girl Baby starts playing a game of “how many times will you put it back in my mouth if I keep spitting it out?”. It’s her pacifier but she’s practically college-ready.

7:21 – Pretty much just sitting here watching Girl Baby fight sleep.  Eyes get almost closed and then perk up and then fall again.  It’s damned adorable.  Wii would think so, too, if she wasn’t freebasing in the kitchen.

7:26 – Girl Baby’s heavy eyelids win the battle and she’s asleep.  Time for another beer, this one congratulatory.

Sleepy Girl Baby

7:34 – Yankees score twice.  Girl Baby wakes up to fart her displeasure and goes back to sleep.  Wii has gone missing.  I hope she’s not on the roof again.

7:38 – Cleaned up pizza mess and discovered the nice scent when we arrived was a ruse.  The garbage can’s smell would gag a maggot.  Wii has returned with a black eye.  Not sure why.  She won’t stop giggling.  Weird.

7:43 – Washed my hands because I touched the garbage can.  Found a yarmulka sitting on the counter.  Nice to see Wendi finally making Jewish friends.

Yarmulka or Breast Pad??

7:45 – Wii is telling me how her tongue hurts because she “fried it”.  I don’t even want to know.

7:55 – Girl Baby still asleep.  Sabathia walks in the tying run.  Girl Baby gurgles her approval.

8:05 – Wendi just called and asked if we want Carl’s Jr.  We don’t.  I’m proud of her, though, for taking an hour-long exercise class before cramming a Famous Star and bucket of onion rings down her throat.  Who gonna check you, boo?!

8:12 – Wendi has arrived screaming “What up homies?”. Girl Baby stirs slightly but doesn’t awake.  A kiss on Girl Baby’s head from Wii and I and we’re off into the night.

8:13 – Win.