As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. We’re rounding third and heading into the home stretch, and thus far everyone has been very well behaved! Will it keep up this week? Let’s check in, shall we?
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl. No fries and no beer make Andy an angry girl.
You can take your “content” and stick it in your ear, slick!
Breequana (Hot Cheetos and Beer)
This is hard! I suck and will fail soon! No, seriously, this is really starting to wear on me! In an effort to distract myself I’ve started going to all sorts of concerts and such. I even bought f’in Cirque du Soleil tickets! Who the hell goes to that? I’m going to spend this weekend at a resort where I plan to drink all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday to keep myself distracted. I got my hair done last night, too, and even that went wrong. You see, I was going for this:
but I ended up looking like this:
Now that it’s rainbow streaked instead of blue, Big Skeezy has started calling me Skittles. FML.
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
So I went to SD to watch the Dodgers whoop some booty on the SD Madres …. I was lucky enough to see the double header we won 2 games in 5 hours! Woot woot Of course I needed a celebratory drink and I was craving champagne @ a baseball game yes! LOL The kind ushers directed me towards La Cantina where I met a Madres fan that was 3 sheets to the wind x 5. He then asked me is if was going to shank him… I replied are you a Vagiants fan? He laughed I then asked do I look like a gang banger? He replied well you are a dodger fan. I then had to explain to him if I were to shank him it would be with a platinum credit card or my Black Amex LOL. After our 20 min bantering and shit talking it was finally my turn up @ the bar they had every vodka imaginable and no champagne WTF it was like GOD was testing me… what a jerk yeah I said it! Im sure it will cost me 10 Hail Mary’s and 5 Our Fathers Whatever! I wanted champagne but then for some reason Amaretto Sour and a big ass Stella please just came out. I was with my two gusbands:
they had those fruit cruise ship drinks and I had liquor in one hand a beer in another! Really? The boys in blue came through for me so I didn’t have to drink myself to sleep! HA HA God I still have one up on you!
End of the night tally:
Shit talking to Madres Fans: a whole bunch
Bars I was tossed out of: 0 it was a close call
Alocholic non vodka drinks consumed: 6 stellas
1 amaretto Sour
Half a fruity cruise drink
1 BIG ASS Stella =2 reg
Fights with a Bartender: 1
Times I called a stranger a Skonka: a whole bunch
Jack in the box tacos eaten: 1
Skonkita (Starbucks)
My children have all returned but those brats showed up with starbucks so I made them sleep outside:
It seems I also have six children and not five. Great. Now I have another mouth to not feed. On top of that I have to find something else to do. I went out with Breequana and developed a new habit since I can’t have starbucks…..as you can see we were in our fanciest outfits….
And yes, we sprinkled heroin on those.
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH!
Big Skeezy (Coffee and Cigarettes)
Man oh man, this is really beginning to suck ass. The funny thing is that at first everything was remarkably easy and now, five weeks later, I’m finding it hard to NOT think about smoking and having coffee. I really really really want to do both. I’m staying strong, of course. The amazing thing is that during the Birthday Blackout of 2011 I didn’t actually smoke. I thought for sure I would in my drunken stupor but apparently I outlasted my wild drunken cravings. Sure, I might have fallen down and been force fed a hamburger in an attempt to keep me upright but I didn’t smoke. Score one for Skeezy! I’ll tell you what, though. When I rise on Easter (like JC before me) I’m going to Starbucks, buying coffee and bumming a cigarette from the first smoker I see. Until then, I’ll keep eating pork rinds and watching Skittles’ hair change color in the light.
It seems like everyone is starting to fall apart! Tune in next week to see how it all ends up!
