Hello Sweater Wearers!  Here’s another discussion about something that really churns my butter: elevator etiquette.

I work on one of the top floors of a tall office building.  Let’s call it this one:

Yippee Kay Yay Cosby Sweaters!

I understand that working near the top has certain disadvantages when it comes to riding the elevator.  You’re usually the last one off the lift, which means you have to make all the other stops on the way up.    The same applies to the downward version of this trip.  I know that I’ll probably stop a couple of times before I reach paydirt.  That much I’m okay with.  It’s this list of things that happen on a daily basis that I think could be avoided with some common sense:

–         The white light outside the elevator means up and is located above the red light, which designates that the car is travelling downstairs.  Don’t start to get on, stop, step out, look at the light and then ask me which way it’s going.  The light will tell you.  If the light isn’t functioning, one ding of the bell is up, two dings of the bell is down.  You can remember the difference between one ding and two dings, right?

–          When waiting for one of the four elevators in the building, please pay attention.  Don’t press the button and start to gossip with your co-worker Melba about that good-for-nothing lazy bum you’re married to.  What happens is that you hear the elevator and don’t move for it until the door has almost closed again, at which point you pull the ol’ stick-your-hand-in-the-door trick to open it back up, making us all wait.  Had you kept your mouth shut and your eyes open you’d have known and gotten aboard when the doors opened the first time.  This also applies to you, the person currently playing with his cell phone/MP3 player/whatever gadget you happen to be dicking around with.  Stop it.

–          Hang up your phone call when you get on.  No one cares about your life.

–          When the elevator hits the lobby, wait for it to empty before getting on.  Don’t shove your way past those of us trying to disembark.  It’s not going to leave any faster, slick.

–          Push the right button when you get on.  They’re labeled for a reason.  Don’t push “4” and then say “Oops, I meant five”.   This is not a Wonkavator.  It’s not going to rocket into the stratosphere so fast that you can’t take a moment to check the button labels.

–          If you work on the second floor and are not crippled you have no excuse to stop my adventure to the lobby to take a ride for one lousy floor.  It’s called the stairwell.  Use it.  I’ll allow the ride UP to the second floor, but you can let gravity and your feet help you down from there.  It’ll be faster for you, too.

So you see, gang, it boils down to common sense yet again.  Please don’t be one of these elevator jerks.  Ride with pride!