A man has a simple request: Legal handjobs for everyone.

In an absolutely hilarious video posted with little findable context, a young man proposes an ordinance in which his city allows licensed masseuses to give “genital massages.” His argument? Proctologists and other doctors can stick things up people’s bodies, so why not allow consensual handjobs? Plus, it’s patriotic as it promotes freedom.

Things go pretty off the rails almost immediately. I have no idea how the man with the mustache in the back isn’t losing himself laughing.

I think this is a troll, but the guy delivering the speech is so damn good it’s hard to tell. There are numerous killer lines, whether he’s talking about anal penetration or how his goal of allowing handjobs would be a “happy ending” for everyone that is so freaking funny.

I doubt the man’s request was granted. However, you’ve got to commend him for going up in front of city counseling and giving it a go. Maybe, one day, we’ll live in a society where handjobs are available to all who want them. It’s this dude’s true utopia.

About Liam McGuire

Social +Staff writer for The Comeback & Awful Announcing. Liammcguirejournalism@gmail.com