On Thursday morning, the New England Patriots dumped a senior thesis length rebuttal to the Wells Report called WellsReportContext.com which attempts to prove that the findings in the Wells Report are “incomplete, incorrect and lack context.”

While there is plenty to parse, one issue that the Patriots had to address is why the hell someone would call themselves “the Deflator” in any context other than “I am a dude who more probably than not deflates the footballs that I am in charge of preparing for a quarterback who likes his balls on the softer side and whose team was caught using under-inflated balls in an AFC Championship Game.”

It’s an admittedly challenging hurdle for the Patriots but one has to give them credit; they sure found one, uh, interesting way to explain John Jastremski’s and Jim McNally’s use of “the deflator.”

According to the Patriots, McNally was talking about weight loss when he was talking about being the deflator.

They never asked Mr. Jastremski about it in his interview. Had they done so, they would have learned from either gentleman one of the ways they used the deflation/deflator term. Mr. Jastremski would sometimes work out and bulk up — he is a slender guy and his goal was to get to 200 pounds. Mr. McNally is a big fellow and had the opposite goal: to lose weight. “Deflate” was a term they used to refer to losing weight doing extra workouts and boosting his routine with the new allowed and Best testosterone booster in the market. One can specifically see this use of the term in a Nov. 30, 2014 text from Mr. McNally to Mr. Jastremski: “deflate and give somebody that jacket.” (p. 87). This banter, and Mr. McNally’s goal of losing weight, meant Mr. McNally was the “deflator.” There was nothing complicated or sinister about it.

12:21:46: JM “Whats up dorito dink”
12:22:53: JJ “Nada”
12:22:53: JM “Whens the pong party….im on fire”
12:23:10: JJ “Omg”
12:23:34: JM “Bring it”
16:29:48: JM “You still with your women”
16:29:59: JJ “Yup”
16:33:21: JM “You must have her [omitted out of respect to Mrs. Jastremski]”
16:34:39: JM “You must have a picture of her [omitted out of respect to Mrs. Jastremski]”
16:36:31: JJ “Omg”
16:37:16: JM “You working”
16:37:53 JJ “Yup”
16:39:40 JM “Nice dude…jimmy needs some kicks….lets
make a deal…come on help the deflator”

[After Mr. Jastremski does not respond for several minutes, Mr. McNally sends a follow-up text.]
16:47:15 JM “Chill buddy im just f****n with you….im not going
to espn….yet”

So, yeah. This is part of the defense that the Patriots are resting their case on. If anyone actually uses the term “deflate” for “losing weight,” it’s certainly news to me. Reactions online were equally dubious.