A couple nights ago I got takeout from my neighborhood Pick Up Stix. I got the basics—beef and broccoli, sweet and sour chicken, some egg rolls, and a couple fortune cookies. After finishing my meal it was time to decide my fate—wish cracker time. Wait, what the hell is this?

Fortune Cookie FrontFortune Cookie Back

This is bullshit. I want my fortune, not a damn prize. If I wanted to participate in a promotion I would have eaten at McDonalds and played the Monopoly game, but I already have a million dollars and want insight into my future, not some free kids meal. Now I have to go convince someone to let me borrow their kid for the afternoon so I can redeem my “free” meal.