Dear Otis,

You are the world’s largest manufacturer of elevators. When I think elevators, I think Toto. I’m not talking about the toilet company, makers of the Washlet that shoots warm water and air up my ass, nor am I talking about the dog from Wizard of Oz. I just happen to think Toto first then Otis.

I’m writing to you in regards to your existing line of two-story elevators. This past weekend I stayed in a two-story hotel that had one of these elevators and I can tell you right now you have a major design issue on your hands. A design issue of equal, if not greater scale to Antennagate, Climategate, and Heaven’s Gate. I noticed the flaw immediately upon entering the elevator: you have an individual button for each of the two floors. You don’t need two buttons when there is only one option. You are either on the bottom floor going to the top floor or are on the top floor going to the bottom floor.

Overcomplicated Otis Elevator click image for high resolution

I took it upon myself to redesign your button configuration assuming you would need to look outside of your organization for someone of extremely high intelligence for a solution. You’re welcome.

Otis Elevator Simplified click image for high resolution

Best regards,