For the second year in a row, Golden State Warriors point guard Stephen Curry led the NBA in made three-point baskets. While his 261 makes fell a few buckets short of his NBA record 272 — set last season — it’s still fun to watch all of them. Also fun: the YouTube description of the highlight reel, courtesy of DownToBuck.
“Quit making so much noise! You’re going to wake them up!” Stephen chastised his teammate, Klay. “Remember the plan. Get in and get out.”
“Yeah, yeah, I remember the plan,” retorted Klay testily, his words somewhat dampened by the black ski mask covering his head. “You only went over it like a million times before we broke in here. Sometimes I get the feeling that you don’t respect my intelli-”
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” Stephen interrupted. “Now, Kerr must have something in his possession that allowed him to shoot threes at such an impressive rate during his illustrious NBA career. We must find that thing and take it for our own use,” he mused aloud.
Klay stopped tiptoeing through Steve Kerr’s entryway to stare at Stephen incredulously. “Hold up. You’re saying that we forceably entered this guys house and we don’t even know what we’re looking for?”
Stephen shrugged his shoulders. “I thought it would be obvious. Like, glowing or something. That’s why we went at night, so we could see it glowing.”
“I should have never agreed to this. We’re going to get arrested,” Klay whined. “The only thing that’s going to be glowing is our red rumps after we get spanked by the paddle of the law.”
Stephen wasn’t listening. He was looking around with contemplation at Steve’s wall decorations, illuminated only by the pale moonlight shimmering through the windows. “Dude, I bet he has a safe behind one of those paintings.”
“Are you serious? That crap only happens in the movies,” Klay snapped. “He’s probably got a shoebox under his bed with this magical enchanted object in it.”
“Okay, I’ll check the paintings, and you go invade the sanctity of his bedroom and the bedrooms of his children in order to crawl under their beds looking for the three-point-shooting amulet while hoping that they don’t wake up,” Stephen said, scoffing. “Good plan.”
Klay bristled. “Oh, so now it’s an amulet? He’s probably wearing it around his neck, then.”
Stephen brightened up, his suddenly-appearing smile obscured by a ski mask identical to his teammate’s. “You know, Klay, sometimes you aren’t as dumb as you look and act. Steve Kerr probably has a glowing three-point amulet on his person right now. We just have to sneak into his bedroom and gank it, then we can get out of here,” he gushed, stumbling over his words in his haste to articulate them. “It’s like the Ring of Power, except instead of dropping it into Mount Doom, we’re going to use it ourselves!”
“This is all a bunch of wild conjecture, but fine, I guess I’ll go along with it,” Klay grumbled. “Come on, the stairs are over here I think.”
The two Warriors carefully navigated their way up the dark stairway, hoping that the carpeted steps would keep their footfalls silent. Once on the landing, they walked to the first door they saw. It was slightly ajar, but even putting an eye right up to the crack, Stephen couldn’t make out any details. He pushed it open, slowly and deliberately, but it still let out a hideous squeak as the hinges swiveled.
“Don’t be so loud!” Stephen hissed accusingly.
“Dude, you’re the eager beaver who pretty much just kicked the door in!” Klay hissed back. “Kerr’s probably calling the cops right now, moron.”
“It’s cool. Just chill out,” Stephen reassured his teammate before turning his gaze to the now-exposed bedroom. “Aw, gross. He sleeps naked.”
“Naked, AND on top of the sheets,” Klay observed. “You’d think, for such a tall guy, that his-”
Stephen clapped a hand over Klay’s mouth. “Shh. No more talking. You stand out here and keep watch while I…” He paused, taking out a pair of bolt-cutters from his pants leg. “…Retrieve the amulet.”
“Be careful,” Klay whispered as Stephen tiptoed into the bedroom. Dutifully keeping his eyes from wandering too much, Stephen looked down at the snoring man. Around his neck was a pendant of pure gold, inscribed with some ancient glyphs. It pulsated a dull orange-yellow.
Carefully positioning the oversized bolt-cutters, Stephen snipped the beaded string which encircled Steve’s neck. At the sound of the deed being done, there was a hitch in his snoring, but he didn’t wake up, and he didn’t feel the amulet being slipped off his skin.
Stephen grasped the magicked object in his fist and triumphantly joined his partner-in-crime outside the bedroom door. Wordlessly, he held up the amulet for Klay to see. Barely able to contain their jubilation, they walked briskly back down the stairs and out the front door. Out of immediate danger, they turned to face each other, abandoning any semblance of quietness.
“We’re going to kick so much ass this season!” Stephen exclaimed, holding up his free hand for a high-five which Klay accepted.
“Hell yeah,” Klay responded. Meanwhile, the enchanted amulet glowed even brighter than ever before, eager to serve its new masters.
[YouTube]
