As most of us peel our faces off of whatever surface we collapsed onto at the end of Fat Tuesday, it is with sudden and horrifying realization that we discover today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. For those of you not “in the know”, Lent is the Catholic rite that pretty much every child dreads. From now until Easter Sunday (Feb. 22 through April 7) you are supposed to give something up. It has to count, too. It can’t be, ‘Oh, I’m giving up giving things up,” or “I’m giving up giving a damn about anything.”
Last year, if you recall, myself and a group of ladies I work with decided to have a ‘Lent-Off”. Everyone gave something up and, for every infraction, added $10 to the community jar. All bets were off and trying to make each other fail was encouraged. For example, I returned to my desk one day to find my water drugged with sedatives in the hopes that I would start back on caffeine again.
The ladies and I are back again this year, ready to make another run at this spring rite. Most of the original gang is back and we’ve even added a couple of newbies.
Like last year, it all begins with the explanation, so here we go. WARNING: A touch of naughty language ahead.
NAME: Humperdoodle
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: I am giving up fast food and bread.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: I am giving these up because I ALWAYS eat fast food and bread. I’m addicted to bread and I’m addicted to fast food late at night… it’s too damn convenient!!
HOW WILL YOU DO? I think I’m gonna do EXCELLENT compared to last year (I failed 3 times) I’m ready to be the WINNER this year!
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? I KNOW that Busty St. Claire will crack first (She’s giving up swearing) HAHAHA… sucka, you’re going down. This job makes you angry lol.
NAME: LaMeanie
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: Eating pork.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: Because eating pork is bad for you.
HOW WILL YOU DO? I think I am going to last maybe a week. I just went grocery shopping and bought pork chops, hot dogs, and bacon and sausage and I can’t afford to waste food. Plus I love pork….LOL.
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? I think Spicylala will crack first. I am going to try and make her curse as much as possible……..
NAME: Spicylala
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: Cursing.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: I really need to give it up, not classy.
HOW WILL YOU DO? It’ll be a struggle.
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? LaMeanie. Give up pork? Girl, please.
NAME: Busty St.Claire
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: Online dating and cussing
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: I’m giving up online dating so I can self reflect and see why I keep dating the same broke ass dude with a different face! And I’m not cussing anymore because maybe of I act more lady like I’ll attract a better man.
HOW WILL YOU DO? I’m going to do great… Humperdoodle and Spicylala will owe me money!
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? LaMeanie & Humperdoodle are going down… LaMeanie because its her first lent off and Humperdoodle is going down because she failed last year!
NAME: Breequana
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: candy and chips
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: because I eat them every day and I need to stop being a heifer!
HOW WILL YOU DO? I’m going to be cranky and b*tchy and may lose a friend or two in the process.
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? Busty St. Claire will crack first but we are so used to her sailor mouth that we may not even notice.
NAME: Andy Panda Biyatch!
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: I’m giving up drinking. FML
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: Because I’m a fucking alcoholic who makes bad decisions when I’m drunk and I turn to alcohol when I’m happy, sad, mad, depressed…well I guess all the time.
HOW WILL YOU DO? I’m hoping I’ll last at least 2 weeks….
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? I think Big Skeezy will crack first. He needs his cigs to make it through this hell hole we call work. FHL!
NAME: Big Skeezy
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?: Smoking…again.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT UP?: Seriously? I think it’s fairly obvious. Also, this was supposed to be part of the Big Skeezy Challenge 2011 and never made the final cut.
HOW WILL YOU DO? I’ll be fine provided no one upsets me. That should be pretty easy to avoid, right?
WHO WILL CRACK FIRST? Everyone. I know these girls. Especially Andy. No drinking? PUH to the LEASE.
There you have it. The seven of us are the players on this field. Naturally, we don’t spend every waking minute together so a lot of this will be based on the honor system.
If one of us (rather, when one of THEM) cracks they put $10 in the kitty. No, it’s not really a kitty. That’s just gross.
At the end of the 40 days the person who made it through gets to choose what we do with the money. If there’s no money, well, there’s no money.
We’ll be checking back in every week until this is over with quips from each of us about how we’re doing.
See you next week!
