It’s time to continue our Today’s Best series where the staff here at Cosby Sweaters help make your life a little easier by answering the pressing questions you grapple with every day.

Today we focus on that most vexing of human endeavors: dating.  For most of us searching for that perfect someone will occupy most (or if you can use Facebook at work, all) of our waking hours until that someone is found.  But like the journey of a thousand miles a successful relationship begins with the first date.  Let’s assume for a moment you’ve made contact with someone of the opposite sex.  Let’s assume you’ve even convinced them that joining you for a non-platonic meet up might would not be the worst idea in the world.  Now you have to decide when to execute this first tender step in the human mating ritual.  Don’t worry, we won’t leave you hanging on this one.   The answer, of course, is Thursday night.

Thursday, The Best Night For A First Date

To break this down start with thinking about a first date.  You have no idea what to expect. Whether you did a drunken number swap at the bar, engaged in weeks of anonymous messaging on an online dating service or just said “ok” when your friend’s wife offered to introduce you to her college roommate you really can’t bring in expectations.  No way to predict where the evening will land between annoying and amazing.  You have to be ready to call it a night at 8pm wishing you’d downloaded Ishtar or stumble home at 7am with just enough time to rinse the sex off in time for work.

With the expectations, or lack thereof, established now the review of available nights.

Friday – You’ve just finished a long week of work (or school, or working on your novel in Starbucks) and you’ve finally made it to the weekend.  Friday night you meet up with friends for a guaranteed good time.  No one wants to take a risk on Friday night.

Saturday – This is the most intense night of the week.  If you go on a date Saturday night it means you’re passing up all kinds of partying and the date is a sure thing.  Scheduling a first date on a Saturday night instantly quadruples the pressure because if the date goes bad the weekend is ruined.  And be honest, do you really want to go on a date with a girl who has few enough plans to cash in that night on a dude she barely knows?  That’s Fatal Attraction in the making right there so just stay away.

Sunday – Sunday is the anti-Saturday.  You don’t do a first date on Sunday night because it might actually go well.  You schedule a date on Sunday night and you’re telling the lady in question “I can’t imagine this thing being worth more than two hours but I feel obligated to go anyway.”  God, who is all-powerful, needed this night to rest.  Any mere mortal with a weekend of partying behind them and a week of work ahead needs to make sure to get a good night’s sleep on Sunday.

Monday – The only reason anyone goes out on a Monday night is Monday Night Football.  The rest of the year Monday night is for catching up on the DVR and getting some sleep after too much weekend partying.

Tuesday & Wednesday – Really?  Tuesday or Wednesday?  That’s what you’re going with?  Get off the damn fence and pick a real night!

Thursday –Thursday ticks all the boxes.  Close enough to the weekend but not too early in the week.  Date a train wreck?  No worries, Friday and Saturday will more than make up for it.  Meet you soul mate and stay up until the dawn?  That’s just fine, anyone can fake it at work for one day.  Scheduling a Thursday night sends just the right message to the special lady.  Not putting on the weekend hard-sell but not afraid to have the greatest night of your life.

Problem solved and first date scheduled.  If you like to play Russian roulette with your dating fortunes feel free to pick another night but don’t hold the Cosby Sweaters crew responsible for the results.