Rabbit Punches: Freeh Report, Body Issue, Lin, Brees, Cano Booed

by Murphy Row
in Featured · MLB · NBA · NCAA · NFL · Sports
— 16 Jul, 2012

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

In the Penn St. child abuse scandal, The Freeh Report finds fault with all the big names at PSU including the late Joe Paterno. For the first time in history, cancer gets to say, ‘Your welcome.’

After the Freeh Report, people are calling for the ‘death penalty’ for Penn St. football, claiming power of the football program directly lead to flawed decision making ultimately putting children in harm’s way. SEC officials gloat saying, “The way we cheat doesn’t seem so bad now does it?”

Jeremy Lin appears to be leaving the Knicks. Lin was upset that the Knicks failed to make a move to sign him to a lucrative deal earlier in the free agent signing. Lin believed the Knicks should have definitely offered an under-sized, unproven, high risk, flash in the pan point guard a big contract.

ESPN the magazine released the Body Issue last week. Ironically, the mag does not address one body issue. And disappointingly, for the fourth straight year you cannot see one penis.

My Minnesota Timberwolves have offered a $46 million offer sheet to Nicolas Batum. The Blazers have continually claimed they will match any offer from the Wolves for Batum. Within 2 day we will see which historically duped franchise finally drove the price up on someone else.

Good news for the first time this off-season as the Saints’ Drew Brees signs a record $100 million deal. Even though Brees is coming of a historic season, Brees was offered such a large contract because he will be asked to also coach the defense for half the season.

Kansas City fans booed Robinson Cano during the home run derby for not selecting a Royal to the contest. Cano subsequently hit zero home runs. This is the first time in decades that Kansas City fans actually got what they were cheering for.

The National League won the All Star Game 8-0 earning home field advantage to the National League World Series representative. This will give a completely unearned advantage to one team, truly capturing the spirit of baseball’s salary cap free competition.

NBA Summer League is underway in Las Vegas. Vegas houses one of the fastest growing populations in the country yet hosting sporting events is a Catch 22. Gambling drives sports popularity, yet leagues will only let sports no one would bet on be played in Vegas (or ones we all know everyone bets on-boxing/MMA).

Kyrie Irving broke his own hand hitting a padded wall in frustration when he realized he has 2 more years on his contract with the Cavaliers.

The Open Championship begins on Thursday. If you can judge an audience by what advertising airs during the program, crappy golfers with enough money to invest wisely, and erectile dysfunction will be glued to the TV all weekend.