Rabbit Punches Week 12: Fans Pretend to Care About Howie Long’s Family

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Saint 17- Falcons 13

The New Orleans Saints improve to 9-2 with a win over the Falcons who fall to 2-9. Before the season started this match up should have been a marquee Thursday night showdown but the falcons cannot straighten their season out. Jimmy Graham scored a touchdown and made the goalpost crooked when he dunked two handed in celebration, showing that when the wheels fall off in the NFL even the stadium starts to fall apart.

Vikings 26- Packers 26
With the new overtime rules in place, this game goes to a tie after each team could only muster a field goal in overtime. The Vikings come into Lambeau on a frigid day and play spoiler by forcing a tie, but if tying is like kissing your sister, this tie for the ¬†Vikings is like kissing your hot step-sister because they hurt the Packers playoff chances, and do not hurt their own draft position. So this tie for the Vikings might be a little bit more like kissing the Packers’ sister.

Patriots 34- Broncos 31
After a windy and lopsided first half, Tom Brady vs Peyton Manning XIV turned out to be high scoring and down to the wire like expected. The game was ultimately decided by the Denver punt return team inadvertently touching the ball and losing it Patriots in range to win the game with a field goal. No matter how much the rules try to facilitate it, you cannot force an overtime game to be won by a quarterback thrown touchdown, sometimes special teams guys just get in the way.

Ravens 19- Jets 3

The Jets attempted to stay in control of their Wild Card destiny, but they played a game filled with classic Jets football. The Jest fumbled a snap out of the shot gun as because the snap hit the wide receiver who was in motion. The Jets added 15 yards to an already long punt return because a coach got in the way of a referee on the sidelines which resulted in a penalty. Geno Smith completed 9/22 passing with two interceptions and a 22.3 quarterback rating. The only way this loss would have been any more classic Jets is if cameras caught Rex Ryan massaging Santonio Holmes’ foot injury.

Steelers 27- Browns 11

The Pittsburgh Steelers won their third straight game putting the Cleveland Browns in their place. At 4-7 the Browns season feels much different now than when Cleveland native Brian Hoyer won three games in a row to get his team 3-2. The Browns franchise feels like Obama’s second term; the worst thing you can do for your image is to give your fans hope early on.

Buccaneers 24- Lions 21
The Bears and the Packers owe someone a debt of gratitude as the Lions lose to the lowly Buccaneers and keep the NFC North up for grabs. The question is, do the Packers and the Bears owe a thank you to the Bucs who won their third straight game or to the Lions who turned the ball over five times in the game? The Lions have had every chance to take control of the division this year but they seem as comfortable building a cushion as the Dewalt Nail Factory.