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Joel McHale had the honor of hosting the ESPYS and he wasted little time in skewering the attendees and the biggest events in sports so far this year.
McHale’s opening joke featuring Russell Wilson was a little stale (“Russell, don’t throw it! Just hand it to me. Seriously, it is the obvious choice”) but the rest of McHale’s monologue had some truly hilarious moments and some lines that had the audience literally gasping.
Here are some of the most notable zingers that McHale laid out during his monologue:
“It’s great to be here at this gathering of future car dealership co-owners. Yes, you guys look great. You’re all dressed up in the nice suits you usually wear to your depositions.”
“I hope you don’t look back on this night and think, ‘Man, I’ve wasted three hours of my life with this boring nonsense.’ You know, like the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.”
“Tonight, the world’s greatest athletes and the Philadelphia 76ers have gathered with Hollywood’s finest actors and Ken Jeong.”
“Sepp Blatter sounds like the second-worst prescription drug side effect.”
“The NBA offseason has been crazy already but nothing has been more crazy than the courtship of DeAndre Jordan. So many suitors trying to one-up each other and they said there’d never be a black Bachelor.”
“Two rookie head coaches squared off in the NBA Finals this year. It was a great chess match but in the end you have to say that Steve Kerr definitely out-coached LeBron James.”
“NASCAR had a transformative year. The Confederate flag is no longer being flown at NASCAR events. It also came down in South Carolina. Folks in Washington DC said it was about time. Washington DC; home of the Redskins.”
“Many are calling Jordan Spieth the new Tiger Woods which is great news for golf and terrible news for the future Mrs. Jordan Spieth.”
“New York Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul is here tonight.”
“UFC champion Ronda Rousey, who is here tonight, may be the most dominant athlete in all of sports. Ronda’s knocked out more women than Bill Cosby.”
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