After a Game 1 thrashing of the Portland Trailblazers on Tuesday night, the San Antonio Spurs are only three wins away from their third consecutive Western Conference Finals appearance. In a related story, it’s TNT’s turn to broadcast that series, during which Ernie Johnson and The Gang will hit the road for live broadcasts on location. And you know what that means: time for another round of good old fashioned San Antonio bashing! In the latest installment, Kenny Smith lobbed the softballs, and Charles Barkley hit them out of the park, with classic rants about both the Riverwalk (‘a dirty creek”) and the women (“a goldmine for Weight Watchers”, where “Victoria is definitely a Secret”).

Charles had better be careful, because if he finds himself choking on a churro whilst walking along said “creek”, he’d better hope a tourist is around to perform the Heimlich — because no native is likely to step in.