NFL, Sports

Kellen Winslow Doesn’t Always Masturbate, But When He Does…He Prefers To Be In His Car Outside Of Target

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You may have heard a couple of months ago that Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for alleged marijuana possession in a Target parking lot last November. Friday, however, brings details of the arrest that makes the story a whole lot weirder. writer Dom Cosentino got a hold of the the East Hanover police incident report, which indicates that the New York Jets tight end may have been rubbing one out in his car while he was approached by a witness:

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.

By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly “slouched in his seat and moving around.” Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

Winslow’s genitals were reportedly not exposed when approached by police, but officers did take notice of two open Vaseline jars in his center console.

I think I’m more disturbed by the idea that Winslow prefers to jerk off with Vaseline than by the fact that he chooses to do so in a parking lot outside of Target. Using Vaseline just seems really gross and medieval. Invest in some hand lotion, guy. Oh, and stay at home next time.