Culture

The Angriest Letter Ever Written To A Parking Enforcement Agency

Parking Enforcement

This week’s issue of Seattle Weekly features a cover story investigating the money-printing racket that is the Seattle Police Department’s Parking Enforcement unit (tl;dr — 538,102 tickets issued in 2012, for a total haul of $25.1 million, which is double the revenue from 2004). Aside from the absurd numbers, perhaps the best tidbit in the story comes at the beginning, where parking enforcement supervisor Wayne McCann dusts off an old letter sent by one recipient of a city parking ticket.

The anonymous letter was received by the department in 1995, and has been held onto for nearly two decades as a memento — neatly filed away under Exhibit A for “Anger in its purest, most undiluted form”. Here it is, in its unedited glory:

To Whomever It May Concern:

Right now, I CANNOT express how I am feeling in words at this minute. How dare you give me a parking infraction for something so miniscule, I cannot believe you stinking, donut-eating piece-of-Shits have anything better to do than wait by the fucking money-eating parking meters and handout these ass-stinking tickets.

Right now, there are serious crimes happening all over the city . . . People are getting their fucking brains blown away, drug deals are going down, and people are getting raped!!! Who knows, right now your daughter may be getting fucked by some drugged, nigger-gangster. Right now, I can’t even image you assholes are considering this to be a crime. What?? Are you sons-of-bitches out of your mind?? My fucking hard-ass earned money is paying for your GOD-DAMN salaries, just so you can go out, eat your dumb-ass donuts and grow pot-bellies and sit around as you get fatter from the greasy donuts and twinkies, you shit-smelling, fat tub-of-lards . . . NO!!!! I have better things to do with my money than waste more of my precious earned money, that to give you lazy shits more.

Fuck all of you and your MOTHERS!!!

Go to HELL!!

P.S. I can’t fucking believe you fudge-packing, ass-kissing, dog-fuckers are making me pay for a stamp too. You assholes. Here’s your fucking stamp. Eat shit and I hope you die from a blood-clot and your dick shrivels up and falls off. Mother Fuckers!!

[SeattleWeekly]