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Dwight Howard offered free chicken fingers for life, to sign with the Dallas Mavericks

Dwight-Howard Chicken Fingers

This is how Texas do it.

From the Dallas Morning News:

On Monday (the start of NBA free agency), Raising Cane’s will kick off a campaign inviting Mavericks fans to help persuade Howard to sign with Dallas. The company has leased six electronic billboards to help publicize its cooked-up offer to Howard.
Raising Cane’s marketing manager Adam Reed says that if Howard signs with the Mavericks, “he will be welcome to come by any of our (20) local restaurants to enjoy seriously delicious chicken fingers at any time, on us, for the rest of his life.”

How much would that actually total up if Dwight happened to take full advantage of the offer? Brian Townsend of the Mavs Blog did the math.

Howard is 27. The average American male life expectancy is 76. That would be 49 years – 2,548 weeks – of free grub for Howard.

Figure the least he would order in one sitting would be the Caniac 6-finger combo, which is $10.80 including tax. If Howard ate one Caniac a week for 49 years, it would cost Cane’s a reasonable $27,518.40.

But if Howard really took advantage and hit the drive-through every day, he’d amass $192,628 worth of Caniacs.

That is if Dwight could live up to 76, eating those chicken fingers. Forget Caniacs, Dwight should be worried about Cardiac… arrest. (BOOM. TOTALLY NAILED IT.) But seriously, Dwight should really consider the offer, a life time supply of free chicken fingers could easily feed his 8 baby mamas, the children he produced, and any future potentially unwanted offspring, because Dwight obviously hates every form of contraception.

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