Last week Blackhawks center/winger Patrick Kane got drunk. Not just a little drunk. Not just pretty drunk. Kaner got girl-choking-fight-starting-kicked-out-of-bars fucking drunk.
This is the latest entry in Kane’s eventual scrapbook of misbehaved blackouts, and more that ever before, it’s causing him to catch some flack. When Kane punched a cabbie over nickels and dimes in Buffalo, he basically got a pass from the Blackhawks and fans. He was just a young and talented millionaire having a little too much fun. He’ll grow up, we thought. He’ll straighten out.
What the media and the ‘Hawks failed to recognize was that Patrick Kane is a moron. Whether Deadspin’s supposed eyewitness accounts of Kane’s Cinco de Mayo shitshow are true or false is irrelevant. Anyone who’s familiar with Kane’s behavior read the accounts and figured, “yeah, that’s about right.” The only part that might be remotely alarming is the part where Patrick choked a girl, “like both hands around the throat choking.” Even if that comes as a surprise, it really shouldn’t. Violence toward women is the natural next step for a guy who passes out at bars, starts bro-fights, harasses the police, and is generally the walking/stumbling epitome of a douchebag.
The Blackhawks have reportedly spoken to Kane before. There are rumors that his “wrist injury” last off-season was actually a coverup for rehab. Regardless, this stuff hasn’t worked and Kaner has fallen off the wagon… and onto the floor into a pool of his own light-beer-vomit and piss.
So, the question: do they trade him? Although last season and postseason were disappointments, he’s talented, and you can’t trade talent unless you get talent in return, even if your talent’s greatest skill is getting kicked out of bars. The rest of the league knows that Kane can play, but they also know that he’s a drunk. If Chicago can find a taker who’s desperate for talent and willing to overlook drunken stupidity, they should pull the trigger, on the one condition that they get talent in return.
If nobody’s willing to take on the baggage, the ‘Hawks are stuck with him, which isn’t all bad. His numbers last year were down in part because he moved from the wing to center in Jonathon Toews’ absence. Even in a slump, he’s still a good hockey player, and at the very least, he keeps the bouncers at Chicago’s clubs and bars on their toes. If the trade is there, though, there’s no valid reason to pass it up, especially if the return is a proven goalie–something management has acknowledged as a need.
In short, they should trade him for Roberto Luongo.
Nah, just kidding. I’ll take a guy who likes “pulling down girls sun glasses and then going ‘ehhh, not good enough’ right to their faces” over a headcase any day.