Featured, Misc, NFL

Quarterbacks We’d Like To See On SNL

Eli Manning hosted Saturday Night Live last night, and hey–he did a pretty good job.  Yeah, he had some of the best writers in television crafting his jokes, but ol’ Eli added a personal touch.  Like brother Peyton and Tom Brady before him, SNL extended the offer to host after Eli and the Giants won the Super Bowl.  How cool is that? I wanna win the Super Bowl too, but not for the pride/glory/feeling of accomplishment/bullshit/etc. of being a champion.  Just for SNL.

This got me thinking: which other quarterbacks would be fun to watch on Saturday Night? Who would suck? Who would try and write their own jokes? Who would write their own racist jokes? (Answer: Kerry Collins)

Jay Cutler:

Ok, I’m a Bears fan, so watching Cutler do SNL would automatically be awesome ’cause it would mean the Bears won the Super Bowl.  That aside, Cutty’s got all the makings of a great SNL host.  I’m not convinced that he’s a totally bad guy, but he’s at least sort of a dick.  Check out the 2010 game where NFL Network mic’d him up.  Cutler’s a shit-talker, and a funny one at that.  He’s got a hot and famous fiance that SNL’s writers could easily work into a skit or two.

Tim Tebow:

Alright, I know we’re all sick of Tebow, whether that’s his fault or not.  The guy’s been written and talked about more than any athlete in the past year.  He’s also been given the unfortunate kiss of death of becoming world-renowned assbag Skip Bayless’ favorite topic of conversation.  To see Tebow on SNL would only give him more media attention, but think of the possibilities.  There would be jokes about his religious showmanship, his annoyingly happy-go-lucky demeanor, and his hard-to-watch throwing arm.  And that’s not even cracking the surface.  Everyone’s been joking on Tebow lately–I’d like to see him joke on himself.

Michael Vick:

PETA would shit their pants at the thought of this, but I’d pay to watch Vick do SNL.  Writers would have to tread carefully on the topic of dogfighting, but if they can make me laugh at Eli Manning, I’m sure they can work in a tasteful-enough dog joke or two.  Also at play here would be jokes about: Vick’s past broke-ness, the laughable “Dream Team” stuff and 2011’s disappointing season, Andy Reid being fat, Vick being constantly injured, and Andy Reid still being fat.

Cam Newton:

Killa Cam definitely has the outgoing personality to handle SNL with ease.  He likes to talk.  He really likes to talk about himself.  Without doubt, he’d be telling jokes about the money that he and his dad totally allegedly tried to squeeze out of Mississippi State in exchange for a commitment.  Of all these guys, Newton seems like he’d relish the opportunity to be on SNL the most.   He really likes to talk about himself. (See 1:30.  Gold.)

Ray Lewis:

Alright, Ray Lewis is not a quarterback, but I’m listing him here because HE FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE AND GOT AWAY WITH IT.  Anyone with that kind of likability should be on TV, period.