As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. We’ve completed this last full week of this challenge and everyone’s nerves are shot. How shot, you ask? Everyone seems to be so focused on Sunday that they forgot we have a job to do on Wednesday morning, which is why we’re a bit late today. Let’s check in, shall we?
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
I am honestly going to stab someone in the face with my fist. I’ve decided to try and eat healthier as of late because I might as well, right? Well it doesn’t help when my entire family and all of the jerks I work with constantly eat everything I love which, at this point, is basically just food. I’m being good – I am – but it’s so damned hard. I’ve actually got a six pack of Stella sitting in my fridge waiting until 12:01 AM Easter morning so I can indulge. Jesus may rise on Easter but I’m not sure I will because I am going to drink an ass-ton of beer!
Breequana (Hot Cheetos and Beer)
I survived my lake trip without eating Hot Cheetos or drinking beer! Yay me! The worst part was that all of my friends and I had decided to stay drunk the entire trip. Here’s the fridge, with their weekend supplies (which lasted until 2PM Saturday):
Here’s my tiny section of the freezer! Sad face!
I didn’t drink any beer but I did pass out in the sun a lot. I’m totally sunburned! It’ll be a hot tan in a few days but for now I look like the American flag with my red skin and blue hair (which finally got dyed correctly after the third bleaching in three days)!
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
My kid’s birthday party was this past weekend. I had twenty-eight mother fudgin’ children all up in my business. I had a Spongebob Squarepants there, face painter, balloon animal artist, a damned trampoline, a bounce house, a barbecue and a huge headache! Could I drink that pain away and stay lubricated for the party?! NO! I’m getting drunk on Easter, bitches!
I lost them again. I’ve actually started to think that they’re running away on purpose. You know how when a stray cat comes to your back door and you feed it and then it keeps coming back because you fed it even if it’s getting food at home which my kids aren’t but that’s their problem I mean I feed myself what are they eight years old well yeah I guess but…what was I talking about? Eh, screw it. They come back.
I don’t care much about Starbucks anymore. I’m a smoker now. I live in flavor country.
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
Big Skeezy (Coffee and Cigarettes)
Yup, this sucks. Seriously. I miss coffee so much. Cigarettes, eh, not as much, but I imagine I’ll start missing them more when I start drinking coffee again. I already told Breequana that I want to try one of her magical menthol cigarettes come Monday. We’ll see what happens from there.
That’s it – the last update before Easter! We’re all going to a Dodgers game tonight so we’ll see how we fare with 45,000 other people. I feel an outburst or two is coming…