Tech

Ashton Kutcher Now Works For HP Online Support

Invert THIS, HP!

Today i was forced to call tech support again, this time for a HP netbook that simply will not boot.  Instead of calling them on the phone I decided to do an online chat so I could share it with all of you.  Little did I know that this man, not so cleverly disguising his name, now works for HP tech support:

Douche Tech Support

I’m one hundred percent serious here, folks.  Take a look at what transpired when I started with HP’s online support:

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:14 AM] — Automatically generated message:
Your support request has been submitted and is in queue. Please wait momentarily while the system connects you with the next available support specialist.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:14 AM] — Automatically generated message:

You are now chatting with support specialist Ashtin K.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:15 AM] — Ashtin K says:

Hi Big Skeezy, how are you?

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:15 AM] — Big Skeezy says:
Fine, Ashtin. Yourself?

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:16 AM] — Ashtin K says:

I am good, thank you for asking.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:16 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

That’s wonderful to hear.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:17 AM] — Ashtin K says:

As I understand, you are unable to login to windows, am I correct?

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:17 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

I am unable to even boot Windows.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:17 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

I just get the black screen and blinking cursor no matter what I try.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:18 AM] — Ashtin K says:

It seems like hardware issue with the notebook and I would like to arrange mail-in repair to resolve the problem.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:18 AM] — Ashtin K says:

Please let me explain you about the free mail-in repair process.

At this point “Ashtin” launches into a diatribe about how to both receive and send mail.  I cut it out for your own sake.  After that we discuss my mailing address and how the replacement process actually works.  Because it is long and boring, I have removed that, too.  Here’s where we picked back up:

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:29 AM] — Ashtin K says:
Please note above CSO number to track the order status.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:29 AM] — Big Skeezy says:
Got it. Thank you.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:29 AM] — Ashtin K says:

Is there anything else may I assist you with now?

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:30 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

No, but please tell Demi and the kids I said hello.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:30 AM] — Ashtin K says:

Sure!

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:31 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

Take care, and thanks again…provided I’m not being Punk’d!

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:31 AM] — Ashtin K says:

It was a pleasure assisting a person like you.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:31 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

I get that a lot.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:31 AM] — Ashtin K says:

Have a great holidays ahead.

[Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:31 AM] — Big Skeezy says:

have a great day!

Normally, I hate tech support because they never believe that I’m as good with computers as I am am and make me walk through a bunch of steps I’ve already taken before they send me he damn box.  Thankfully, Ashton is an idiot and has no idea how computers work and just sent me the box immediately, no questions asked.  Overall, I give his performance an “A”.