Dick Van Dyke Rescued by Porpoises

That’s not a lie, either.  Actor Dick Van Dyke (formerly Penis Von Lesbian and pictured below, with penguins) was rescued from certain death by porpoises.

Dick, 84 years young, had fallen asleep on his surfboard and awoke to find himself adrift at sea with no land in sight.  “I woke up out of sight of land – I looked around and I started seeing fins,” the actor said. “I thought, ‘I’m dead’.”

Miraculously, the porpoises pushed him back to shore.

Mr. Van Dyke added, “I’m not kidding.”

Not porpoises - penguins

The porpoises could not be reached for comment.