On Monday, the Philadelphia Flyers announced there new team mascot, a furry, terrifying looking thing named Gritty.
— Gritty (@GrittyNHL) September 24, 2018
In perhaps the most disturbing mascot promo in sports history, Gritty is seen swinging his belly as his googly eyes look in all directions. It’s pure nightmare fuel.
— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) September 24, 2018
The immediate response to Gritty hasn’t been great. The replies to the announcement have been a mix of fear and regret.
If this thing tries to touch me, I’m launching a beer at its head
— TJ Schirmer (@tjschirmer15) September 24, 2018
Hopefully a short-lived mistake
— Daniel Brobst (@dbrobst92) September 24, 2018
— Mike (@senekim) September 24, 2018
You’d think making a team mascot would be easy. Pick a state or provincial animal, make it harmlessly cute or tough looking and wallah! You got a mascot. But, in Gritty’s case, it’s an unidentifiable mess with dance moves sure to give children across Philadelphia nightmares.
Gritty joins the following mascots as creations which never should have made it past the pitch phase.
Pierre, the Pelican of the New Orleans Pelicans, takes the cake as the most petrifying mascot creation ever. Armed with fully dilated arms, a clownish, bright-red beak, and eyebrows manicured by Satan himself, Pierre was a disaster from the getgo.
Introducing your new mascot Pierre the Pelican! pic.twitter.com/CieVTs3sMt
— New Orleans Pelicans (@PelicansNBA) October 31, 2013
Remember, team mascots are supposed to represent the community and be someone kids love. Pierre’s design was frightening. Nobody wanted it in the company of their kids, unless they wanted to scar their children permanently.
Thankfully, the Pelicans redesigned Pierre pretty quickly. He’s now much cuter and less likely to leave you in need of immediate therapy.
— New Orleans Pelicans (@PelicansNBA) February 13, 2014
Scorch, the mascot for the Adirondack Flames (AHL affiliate to the Calgary Flames) was shortlived, but the trauma he inflicted will be longlasting.
No joke, the team introduced Scorch in a promotional video where he straight up murders a firefighter and dances in celebration.
In less than a week, Scorch’s flame was put out. Hopefully, the little guy is dancing in Hell – where he belongs.
I’m going to off the board for my final pick. While there are some more obvious choices for most terrifying, I’m going to go with Patrick Thistle’s current Mascot, Kingsley.
Kingsley, who represents Patrick Thistle F.C. in the Scottish Professional Football League, makes this list solely because I can’t believe how little effort seemingly went into his conception. Kingsley is literally a dude in a yellow outfit with a giant sun-like head. His facial expression is crudely drawn, and he’s got a unibrow that would make Anthony Davis jealous.
The Patrick Thistle mascot gives me life. pic.twitter.com/scQxaOpOIg
— Aaron Gallagher (@AaronGallagher8) December 3, 2017
I sort of admire Patrick Thistle went with such an odd looking mascot and stuck with him, but at the same time, it’s abstractness (at least regarding mascot designs) is so bafflingly weird. His design confuses and scares me at the same time, so I guess it’s successful?
Designing mascots is hard. But, if I could, I’d make every mascot a ripoff of the perfect mascot, Benny the Bull. He’s cute, entertaining and knows how to bring it.