Hi everyone – Big Skeezy here. I’d like to tell you all about a recent event in my life that really churned my butter.

I’m an IT guy. I fix computers all day long. The other day I deployed a wee HP netbook into our breakroom so the sheep of my flock could go to this and other, lesser websites during their breaks and lunches. Not forty minutes after I deployed said wee netbook the wireless on it died. Disappeared like it had never been there. When asked where the wireless functionality had gone, the netbook simply replied “Que?”

I tried everything I could think of – use the recovery partition, look for new hardware, even open it up and re-seat the card itself. Nothing.

Now I’m forced to call HP. I hate calling tech support, just like anyone else. I assure you it’s worse when you ARE tech support because you’ve already tried everything they’re going to ask you to do. I call the line and am routed to India. The nice woman has me trying things for forty minutes before realizing that I’m not repeating “I’m telling you it’s broken please just send me a new one” because I like saying it over and over again. She then places me on hold for what is supposed to be “a few moments while I document the troubleshooting steps we’ve taken”. I was on hold for twenty more minutes before I hung up the phone. They had a call-back number for me and could call when they’re done documenting everything.

And call back they did. And I spoke to a new gentleman who tried again to walk me through the steps. I asked if he had looked at the documentation the woman had taken the first time and he said he had but wanted to confirm it had been done. Now at this point I start to get angry. I explained to him that it had all been done, I’m a professional and I just need a new one. He then puts me on hold to – wait for it – document the troubleshooting steps that had been taken. He comes back ten minutes later and gets my address (again) and tells me to wait for the box in which I am to place the broken netbook an dreturn to them for repair.

The box showed up about fifteen minutes ago. I open it up and guess what’s inside? A form I’m required to fill out explaining what is wrong with the unit to save their technician’s time. Excuse me? Save THEIR time? I spent two hours on the phone, half of it on hold while the document all of this and now I have to fill out a form?

I filled it out. Under “what seems to be the trouble” I wrote “Please refer to the documentation taken on case #…” and under “how do we reproduce the error” I wrote “turn it on”.

I added my name and contact number in case they need to get in touch with me.

I hope they call back. I really do.