Ronda Rousey obviously was incredibly upset after her loss to Holly Holm, but she’s just now opening up about how dark her thoughts at the time truly were.

Rousey appeared on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” Tuesday morning and discussed the aftermath of the loss. It was no secret that she felt depressed following the match, but Rousey broke down in tears before admitting to Ellen that she thought about killing herself.

“I was in the medical room,” Rousey said, “and I was down in the corner, I was sitting in the corner, and I was like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?’ I was literally sitting there thinking about killing myself at that exact second. I was like, ‘I’m nothing.’ I’m like, ‘What do I do anymore? No one gives a shit about me anymore without this.’”

“To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing there,” she said, “and I looked up at him and I was just like, ‘I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.’ That was it…I don’t know if I would have made it without him.”

Here’s the full clip of the segment:

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