Atlanta HawksI shouldn’t even dedicate words to this, but as a loyal Seattle Supersonics fan, it’s my duty to address any and all “rumors” regarding a team coming back to the Emerald City. I put “rumors” in quotes because the latest hardly counts as one, but it did come from Bill Simmons, who was spot-on with behind-the-scenes information regarding the two most recent NBA franchise sales — Milwaukee Bucks, Los Angeles Clippers — so there might be some truth in the way it’s presented. In case you missed it over the holidays, reports surfaced that the Atlanta Hawks’ current ownership group agreed to put the entire team up for sale by Monday. Doing so would allow a smooth transition to a new ownership group (or individual). You know what that means: Bidding war!

And, it didn’t take long for the first name to leak:

Simmons quickly followed with this much juicier tweet:


Nice work, Simmons. Just casually toss out Chris Hansen’s name (aka, the guy who tried — and failed because David Stern hates Seattle — to turn the Sacramento Kings into the new Sonics), and then let everyone freak the fuck out over a possible relocation.

So, about that whole “relocation” thing. Well, it most certainly is never happening in the NBA ever again because, you know, THIS. And, even if the NBA did allow it, it definitely won’t involve Atlanta. Why? Because for all their years of mediocrity, shitty attendance, first and second-round playoff exits, playoff games televised on NBA TV, and playing third fiddle to the Hawks and Braves, the Hawks are conveniently located in the same city as the NBA’s most important media partner: Turner. Both the Inside The NBA and NBA TV studios are in Atlanta (Reminder: Turner runs NBA TV). You really think the NBA would sign a $2 billion television deal with Turner, and allow the local team to just up and leave? Nope.

That being said, I don’t doubt Simmons has heard rumblings of a bid from Hansen, because the mere threat of his name hovering over the bidding war is exactly what the NBA wants (needs?). And, yes, I realize that Simmons’ tweets have no bearing on the sale process. After all, Simmons is just a man in a bathrobe with a bullhorn. But tossing out rumors in a public forum — 3.2 million followers, to be exact — isn’t a bad thing from the NBA’s perspective.

Seattle is — and forever will be — to the NBA what Los Angeles is to the NFL: the most important (non-)player in a never-ending extortion scheme.

[Twitter, photo:  Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports]