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After a long summer, the NHL’s regular season gets underway tonight with three great matchups (Toronto/Montreal, Boston/Philadelphia, and a banner-raising main event between Los Angeles & San Jose) and then…Vancouver/Calgary. Yeah, you should probably just avoid that last one altogether.

Teams across the league have made their final roster cuts and are ready to get the 2014-2015 campaign underway, and I couldn’t be more excited. Season predictions are like assholes – everyone’s got one and, at the end of the day, they’re usually not good for much other than being offensive and full of shit – but I wanted an excuse to write about hockey before the puck is dropped tonight.

So, without further ado, here are my pre-season picks for division winners, conference winners, and Cup champion.