Gloria AllredWith the whirlwind of domestic violence and child abuse allegations swirling around the NFL — and the NFL’s poor handling of it in nearly every aspect — it should come as a surprise to nobody that “famed civil rights attorney” (and certified windbag) Gloria Allred would want in on the action. Never one to turn down a photo op or a potential six or seven-figure pay day, Allred held a press conference Wednesday afternoon and proceeded to spew verbal diarrhea in front of any and all gathered media who still seem to think anyone gives a shit what she has to say.

The target of her ire: Brandon Marshall, the current Chicago Bears receiver whose personal, off-field battles and transgressions have been well-documented. Today, Allred trotted out Kristeena Spivey, a friend of Rasheedah Watley, whom Marshall was accused of abusing in 2009. Spivey and Allred assert that the NFL didn’t go far enough investigating Marshall’s case. Spivey recalled a specific incident between Watley and Marshall, where Marshall rammed her car and threw a cement block at her window. Marshall denied all allegations, but was suspended by the NFL for three games (later reduced to one game). Case closed, right? Nope. Not after the Ray Rice fiasco, and not when Ms. Allred can get some camera time.

Now, here is the part where we inform you that Allred does not represent Watley, has no pending litigation against Marshall (this “isn’t a case,” in her words), and merely dragged her friend (Spivey) out for a dog and pony show to remind everyone how shitty the NFL is at handling domestic violence cases and how it can improve the investigation process. A good point, to be sure, but after the events of the last week-and-a-half, it’s a point that didn’t really need to be driven home by Gloria Allred. Especially when her example stems from incidents that happened a half-decade ago.

Since then, Marshall has transformed into a model NFL citizen, and isn’t shy about promoting awareness for mental health, as he himself suffers from bi-polar borderline personality disorder disorder. Marshall made a bold statement last season, eschewing the NFL-mandated pink accessories to promote breast cancer awareness in favor of green shoes to promote mental health awareness. Because the NFL basically sucks at everything, Marshall was fined for the uniform violation.

As for the press conference, I’m not even going to bother posting any of the transcript because there was nothing of substance. Instead, I’ll leave you with a seminal moment in Allred’s career, when she appeared on Adam Carolla’s radio show (in 2006) to discuss Michael Richards’ infamous on-stage rant “n-word” rant (she represented the plaintiffs in the case seeking damages against Richards). Carolla then proceeded to rip her argument to shreds. If you’ve never heard it, it’s worth ten minutes of your time.