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With the Seahawks and Packers set to kick off the 2014 season on Thursday and the baseless “expert” predictions ready to rear their disgustingly uneducated heads, Next Impulse Sports has you covered in a charitable effort to avoid Herm Edwards, Marshall Faulk, Chris Berman and Mark Schlereth bumbling over their preseason picks.

The NFL is chucked full of flamboyant personalities, pretty WAGs and broadcasters, along with a whole bunch of Johnny Football haters, all of which should hit the headlines in 2014.

That being said, who is most likely to take a shot at Manziel’s knee or spit serious game at ESPN reporter Britt McHenry?

Kiley Kmiec Sean Wagner-McGough Andrew Doughty Ryan Wong Michael Blair Scott Sinnott Brad Epstein
Take a shot at Manziel’s knee Tom Brady Brian Hoyer Ray Lewis Tom Brady Rex Grossman Brian Hoyer Anderson Varejao
Punch Richard Sherman Michael Crabtree Jim Harbaugh Joe Buck Tom Brady Richard Sherman Erin Andrews Blaine Gabbert
Make Philip Rivers cry Everyone One of his 99 kids Dick Enberg Tom Brady A good novel Everyone Britt McHenry
Hit on Britt McHenry Matthew Stafford Jerry Jones Manti Te’o Tom Brady Gronk Blackburn’s mom Lindsay Duke

cooks

The typical NFL award predictions include the likes of Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers and the Master of the Universe: Peyton Manning, but our staff threw a couple chipmunks into the pile this year, including Brandin Cooks (above):

Kiley Kmiec Sean Wagner-McGough Andrew Doughty Ryan Wong Michael Blair Scott Sinnott Brad Epstein
Offensive ROY Teddy Bridgewater Brandin Cooks Bishop Sankey Johnny Manziel Sammy Watkins Cody Latimer Blake Bortles
Defensive ROY C.J. Mosley Khalil Mack Ra’Shede Hageman Jadeveon Clowney Khalil Mack Bradley Roby Michael Sam
MVP Khalil Mack Peyton Manning Aaron Rodgers Tom Brady Jay Cutler Peyton Manning Peyton Manning
Offensive POY Jay Cutler Peyton Manning Aaron Rodgers Calvin Johnson Jay Cutler Peyton Manning Brandon Marshall
Defensive POY Peanut Tillman J.J. Watt Joe Haden J.J. Watt Jared Allen Von Miller J.J. Watt
Coach of the Year Marc Trestman Marc Trestman Bruce Arians Pete Carroll Marc Trestman Jon Fox Joe Philbin

cut

The Patriots and Colts appear headed toward division titles in the AFC’s East and South, respectively, and no one in the non-Bay Area or San Diego and KC metros actually think the Broncos can be caught in 2014, but one surprising unanimous selection squeaked out along with a whole lot of love for the Jay Cutler-infested Chicago Bears:

Kiley Kmiec Sean Wagner-McGough Andrew Doughty Ryan Wong Michael Blair Scott Sinnott Brad Epstein
AFC North Bengals Bengals Bengals Bengals Bengals Bengals Bengals
AFC South Colts Colts Colts Colts Colts Colts Colts
AFC West Broncos Broncos Broncos Broncos Broncos Broncos Broncos
AFC East Patriots Patriots Patriots Tom Brady Patriots Patriots Dolphins
AFC Wild Card  Texans Chargers Dolphins Steelers Ravens Chiefs Chiefs
AFC Wild Card  Dolphins Chiefs Chiefs Chiefs Chiefs Jets Patriots
NFC North Bears Bears Packers Packers Bears Lions Packers
NFC South Falcons Saints Falcons Saints Saints Saints Saints
NFC West Niners Seahawks Niners Seahawks Niners Niners Niners
NFC East Cowboys Eagles Cowboys Nobody Cowboys Eagles Eagles
NFC Wild Card Packers Niners Bears Niners Seahawks Packers Bears
NFC Wild Card Saints Packers Seahawks Falcons Packers Seahawks Seahawks
AFC Champion Broncos Patriots Bengals Tom Brady Colts Broncos Broncos
NFC Champion Bears Bears Packers Seahawks Bears Inconsequential Niners
Super Bowl Champs Bears Bears Packers Tom Brady Bears Broncos Broncos

[genericon icon=twitter] Follow Andrew Doughty on Twitter @Adoughty88

 

Photos Courtesy: ESPN (Britt McHenry), Andrew Weber/USA Today Sports (Johnny Manziel), William Perlman/The Star-Ledger (Brandin Cooks), AP (Jay Cutler/Brandon Marshall)