Johnny WeirFigure skater — and (now) figure skating commentator extraordinaire — Johnny Weir is in the news, after it was revealed he intends to reconcile with husband Victor Voronov. In case you’re not tracking the personal lives of former figure skaters (BECAUSE I AM), the two called off their divorce over the weekend, citing two stipulations presented by Voronov: an apology from Weir for trashing him in the media, and a promise to keep Johnny’s mother out of their relationship.

Turns out Weir has a few stipulations of his own, starting with a list of definite no-nos:

NO sex outside the marriage
NO oral sex outside the marriage
NO kissing or making out
NO sexting
NO aggressive flirting
NO mutual masturbation
NO social media/grindr/dating

Other stipulations include veto power over contact with someone from each others’ past, or someone who may be part of their future, joint STD tests every six months (the results of which will be read with both parties present), and asset splitting.

So, basically their relationship consists of holding hands and telling each other what not to do. Sounds like fun.

[TMZ]