Rabbit Punches: 12th Man Causes Earthquake, Fined By NFL

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A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Seahawks 23- Saints 15

Behind the second coming of ‘Beast Mode’ for Marshawn Lynch, the Seattle Seahawks took care of business at home and got past the Saints on their way to the NFC Championship game. Lynch rushed for 140 yards and two touchdowns, the second of which put the game away for the Seahawks. The crowd went so wild when Lynch broke free for the game sealing touchdown, that ground underneath CenturyLink Field shook to the point of a magnitude 1 or 2 earthquake according to local  seismologists. The ground shook so much that Drew Brees fell to the ground and hit his head, so the 12th man in Seattle can be expecting a call from the league office levying on a fine for a hit to the head on the QB.

Percy Harvin returned to play in this game for Seattle, only to leave with a concussion. Harvin’s medical issues since being traded to the Seahwaks have more people frustrated with health care issues than the roll out of

Next week the Seahawks will play host to the San Francisco 49ers in one of the best rivalries in pro football today. Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll and 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh have a long history being at each other’s throats. Now Carroll who spent all season battling for home field advantage has to come to terms with the fact that he must invite his enemy into his team’s home for a playoff matchup and Harbaugh will probably clog the master bath again.


Patriots 43- Colts 22

Even though the Patriots and the Colts have a good rivalry, it was hard to call this playoff matchup a rivalry game without Peyton Manning at quarterback for the Colts. It was fitting that the star of this game be a running back since Colts vs. Patriots no longer means Manning vs Brady. LeGarrette Blount ran for 166 yards and four touchdowns  leading his team to a big victory over the Colts. The Patriots new identity as a running team has people wondering if Bill Belichick has been secretly taping practices of the 2012 Vikings.

Andrew Luck and the Colts made a living this season with big comebacks, not least of which came last week when the Colts mounted the second greatest comeback in NFL playoff history. Maybe Luck did not eat his spinach at halftime or maybe the Colts misplaced their magic beans, but there was no magical comeback in the cards for them this week against a franchise that must have sold their soul to have the Midas Touch on undrafted free agents.

Next week Brady and the Patriots head to Denver to take on their old rival Peyton Manning. This clash of quarterback titans will decide once and for all just how long we can keep debating who is the better QB.


Broncos 24- Chargers 17

The Denver Broncos took a 17-0 lead into the fourth quarter, but the Chargers gave them a real scare. After last season when the Broncos blew a lead to the Baltimore Ravens in the Divisional round, the Denver fans got a little nervous as the Chargers came within one score, but this year Manning put the upset hopefuls to bed. Denver’s offense converted on three third downs to ice the game and end the Charger’s season, to which former Bronco offensive coordinator and current Chargers head coach Mike McCoy exclaimed, “Where the heck was that last year!”

Next week Denver will host the New England Patriots for a chance to go to the Super Bowl. Much will be made of the match up between Brady and Manning, but as an unbiased writer I like to remind everyone that there will be 41 other starting players between both teams… Ah screw it, I’m tired. This match up all comes down to Manning vs. Brady.


49ers 23- Panthers 10

The 49ers are headed to their third straight NFC Championship game after beating the Carolina Panthers. After scoring a touchdown on the ground Colin Kaepernick, who was drafted 35 spots behind Cam Newton, pantomimed pulling his shirt open, an obvious rip off of Newton’s Superman touchdown celebration. As a rip off, I guess we could call Kaepernick’s TD celebration Mister Majestic (who was an obvious comic book rip off of Superman for those of you who kissed a girl in high school).

Next week the 49ers head to Seattle to take on the Seahawks and the 12th man, and for Kaepernick to sell a ton of noise canceling headphones.

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