Misc, NFL

Rabbit Punches Week 15: Fantasy Players Commission Jamaal Charles Artwork

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Falcons 27-  Redskins 26

When Mike Shanahan decided to sit Robert Griffin III for the rest of the season he joined The Washington Nationals and their 2012 shut down of Stephen Strasburg in making sitting your best player to protect him from injury at tradition in D.C. Shanahan showed that even after shutting down his best player he wants to win football games when he chose to go for two points to win the game with :18 seconds left… or he showed that he just wants to be done playing football as soon as possible.

Bears 38- Browns 31

After Jay Cutler threw two early interceptions in his first game back after missing four weeks with an ankle injury, you could hear self-indulgent yelling at bars across the Chicago land area. Bears fans left and right were screaming about how right they had been all week saying that Marc Trestman should stick with Josh McCown. Cutler proceeded to throw three touchdowns two of which came in the fourth quarter, but I guarantee you that Bears fans will still be calling for Cutler’s head. You know who else threw two early interceptions, Drew Brees and he is not gonna get benched for Luke McCown. Here is another quick reminder, Josh McCown played his 2010 season for the Hartford Colonials. Chicago fans, quit focusing on the fact that you hate Cutler more than thirteen year old girl hates quality family time, and realize that it has been Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery making both of the quarterbacks look great all year.

Colts 25- Texans 3

This game was like every M. Night Shyamalan movie after The 6th Sense: No surprises. The Texans lose their twelfth straight game and Andrew Luck took care of business. The biggest story from this game was Robert Mathis recoding a sack for a safety in the second half which sets the franchise record for sacks in a season and in a career. Mathis has 16.5 sacks on the season and 108 in his career to pass former teammate Dwight Freeney.  Mathis broke his friend’s sack record, which means something way different in the adult film industry.

Dolphins 24- Patriots 20

In a back and forth game, the Dolphins kept the Patriots out of the end zone on the last drive of the game to snap a seven game losing streak against the Patriots. Tom Brady threw an interception to Michael Thomas in the end zone to end the game. Thomas had been signed earlier this week off of the 49ers practice squad and completed a meteoric rise by intercepting Brady to win the game. One of Thomas’ teammates even admitted that he did not even know his first name while celebrating the game winning play, which I guess explains why the Dolphins were chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” in the locker room.

Seahawks 23- Giants 0

The Seahawks hope their trip to the Meadowlands will not be the last one they make this season, as it will play home to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, if the Seahawks make the Super Bowl they will undoubtedly face a team much better than the New York Giants who the Seahawks gave a thorough beat down on Sunday. The Seahwaks beat up the Giants so badly that Jim Croce wants to write a song about it. This beat down was so violent that even Quetin Tarantino got a little queasy. This beat down was so severe that even the Russian from Rocky IV felt bad for the Giants.

49ers 33- Buccaneers 14

The 49ers are hitting their stride at the right time of the season after some inconsistent play early. This week Colin Kaepernick played a complete game and sent the lowly Buccaneers to their tenth loss. If Kaepernick can stay hot going into the playoffs, the 49ers could be a formidable opponent for any playoff team. If Kaepernick is hot his arm scares defenses more than Mega Man’s and his legs make defenses more nervous than a models legs make me too nervous to talk to her.

Bills 27- Jaguars 20

One week after the worst game of his career, E.J. Manuel bounced back to beat the Jaguars with an impressive game with two touchdown passes and one rushing TD. Granted, beating the Jaguars is not exactly a feather in your cap, but bouncing back after a terrible game is a good sign for the rookie QB will be able to handle a career in Buffalo.

Chiefs 56- Raiders 31

There was only one story from this game, Jamaal Charles. Charles scored five touchdowns in the game and racked up 215 total yards.  If you have Charles on your fantasy football team there is a good chance you made the playoffs, and if you are in the playoff there is a great chance Charles single-handedly won you a playoff game. So if you are anything like me, one out of twelve fantasy players will be commissioning a Jamaal Charles themed work of art, I’m going with stained glass, I got a guy.

JamaalCharlesPosterized