Howard Schultz’s Blinding White Teeth Explain “Nightmare” Sonics Ownership

This came to my attention late Friday night, but I was already a few drinks into the weekend, and knew I’d regret the alcohol-infused, profanity-laced tirade I was bound to unleash sometime around 3 am. In case you missed it, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz appeared on CBC’s George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight, and the subject of his tenure as owner of the Seattle Supersonics came up:

Buying an NBA team was a dream that I never thought would be possible for someone like me. But it also turned out to be a nightmare. It was not the right thing for me at that time of my life and I just thought the culture of professional sports and athletes who were making that much money, it was just inconsistent with my ability to kind of alter the mentality and I just got out. I tried to sell it to a local person in Seattle. Nobody wanted to buy it. We ended up selling it to someone from Oklahoma and he ended up moving the team. They’ve got a great team now.

I have three (okay, four) reactions to this: 1) Howard Schultz’s teeth are basically Ross Gellar’s from that one episode of Friends; 2) Props to Stroumboulopoulos for having the balls to ask Schultz anything regarding the Sonics; 3) I’m amazed Schultz didn’t throw a temper tantrum and storm off the set; and, most importantly, 4) FUCK YOU, HOWARD SCHULTZ.

It’s bad enough that he shit on an entire fan base, but now, seven years later, praise the team that left? That’s a low blow that seemingly came out of nowhere. Also, Schultz’s claim that he made attempts to sell to a local buyer is dubious, because everyone knows there were 50,000,000 reasons why he sold to Bennett.

Meanwhile, back to the interview, Schultz eventually went nuclear with the verbal diarrhea:

Schultz also told Stroumboulopoulos that leading a business where young men often without “the right support staff” are making millions of dollars, and sometimes lacking in proper motivation, “was just inconsistent with my value system.”

I wonder which part of the Howard Schultz “value system” calls for him to take his ball and go home when he doesn’t get his way.