NFL

Rabbit Punches Week 7: Colts Fans Happy with Second Marriage as Manning Returns

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Colts 39- broncos 33

Andrew Luck has his team leading the division and they just beat one of only two unbeaten teams in the NFL and yet he still spent his post game interviews discussing comparisons to Peyton Manning. Granted, this particular game was Manning’s first game back in Lucas Oil Stadium. Manning received the ovation he deserved from the Indianapolis fans, but the majority of their cheers are now reserved for Luck. Manning was their first love, but even though Manning still looks good in his new relationship, the Colts fans just love how Luck listens and makes them laugh. The fans in Indianapolis are happy in their second marriage.

Falcons 31- Buccaneers 23

Jacquizz Rodgers and Harry Douglas stepped up big in the absence of some major weapons like Julio Jones and Roddy White in Atlanta. Matt Ryan was able to utilize some new toys on his way to an easy win over the 0-6 Buccaneers. Admittedly, winning with these toys was kind of like playing with Gobots instead of Transformers.  It is just as much fun but you do not look as cool in the eyes of the other kids.

Bengals 27- Lions 24

For the second straight week the Bengals squeezed out a win on a late game field goal on the road. The two best wide receives in the NFL, Calvin Johnson and A.J. Green literally went step for step each racking up 155 yards receiving. Johnson scored two touchdowns to Green’s one but Green takes home the victory. This game will be replayed on cartoon network next Saturday morning after how silly defensive backs looked all game.

Bills 23- Dolphins 21

Defense started and finished the game for the Bills on Sunday. The scoring started when Nickell Robey returned an interception for a touchdown on the third play of the game. The defense finished the game when a sack and a forced fumble by Mario Williams set up a game winning field goal with :33 second left. Williams who could be making close to $16 million this year already has 10 sacks which after some quick math is $1.6 million dollars per sack. However, the Bills do not mind paying their defensive star this much money because up until he was brought off the practice squad, starting quarterback Thad Lewis was only being paid in Williams’ table scraps and coupons to Dave and Busters.

Cowboys 17- Eagles 3

In a match up that was supposed to produce offensive fireworks, both defenses dominated the game. The Cowboys took care of Nick Foles before he left the game with a head injury and then picked off Matt Barkley three times after replacing Foles. Barkley Might have been sticking it to Chip Kelly from the bad blood left over from USC and Oregon, or the Eagles just really need Michael Vick back.

Jets 30- Patriots 27 (OT)

The Jets upset the Patriots in overtime, and climb within one win of the division lead. Nick Folk missed a game winning field goal but the miss was negated by an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty call, when a Patriots player pushed another player forward in an attempt to block the kick. It is unclear who was luckier that this rare yet correct called was made, the Jets who got a second try to win the game, or the Bill Belichick who now has a ‘controversy’ on which to blame a loss to the Jets.

Redskins 45- Bears 41

The Washington Redskins benefited from the Chicago Bears injury woes getting worse on Sunday. The Bears defense, already depleted from injuries got torched by Robert Griffin III and Roy Helu. On offense the Bears lost quarterback Jay Cutler to a groin injury.  Luckily the Bears have a few fans from FX’s The League who would be happy to rub down Cutler’s groin.

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