This is what happens when your billionaire Russian owner is too busy searching for his missing super-yachts full of beautiful women. You get a nonsensical mascot named BrooklynKnight who can’t land a simple trampoline dunk anywhere near the rim (or the backboard, for that matter), and silly little dance routines that poor Deron Williams, Joe Johnson, Andray “7-Day Dray” Blatche and Brook Lopez (sweet farmer’s tan, bro!) have to feign excitement about. In other words, it might be time for someone in the Nets’ promotions department to “mysteriously disappear” be fired.

By the way, if this “Cookie Dance” was ever pitched to Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce, how long do you think it took for them to say “FUCK NO!” We’re setting the over/under at .27 seconds.