Misc, NFL

Rabbit Punches Week 6: Arrowhead Louder than Bieber at Girl Scout Convention

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Kansas City 24- Oakland 7

The Kansas City Chiefs improved to 6-o the second best start in franchise history, in front of the loudest crowd for an outdoor sporting event on record. Chiefs fans are showing just how great NFL fans can be when they have a winning product on the field by making Arrowhead Stadium two times louder than if Justin Bieber showed up at the National Girl Scout Convention.

Panthers 35- Vikings 10

The Carolina panthers took down the Minnesota Vikings behind four touchdowns from Cam Newton. Matt Cassel started for the Vikings in place of Christian Ponder who was cleared to play from a rib injury. Josh freeman watched from the sidelines in sweatpants, after seeing the Vikings offense, Freeman who has been with the team less than a week said, “Um, I got my pads in the locker room, you guys sure you still want me to wait?”

Eagles 31- Buccaneers 20

The Eagles fast paced and high-powered offense proved too much for the Buccaneers even with Nick Foles filling in for Michael Vick who did not play with a hamstring injury. Foles did his best Michael Vick impression throwing for three touchdowns and even running for one of his own. The Eagles do not have the luxury of shopping Foles around on the trading block because Michael Vick usually stays about as healthy as  12-year-old English bulldog’s hips.

Rams 38- Texans 13

The St. Louis Rams won their second straight game after losing the previous three by taking advantage of the mistake prone Houston Texans. Matt Schaub left the with a right ankle injury, and back up T.J. Yates did a good impression of the starting quarterback just like Nick Foles. The only problem was that Yates’ impression involved throwing an interception for a touchdown just like Schaub in the last four games.

Packers 19- Ravens 17

The Packers picked up a tough road win with Aaron Rodgers under pressure all day. Although the passing game struggled and lost James Jones and Randall Cobb to injuries, Eddie Lacy came out looking stronger than his counter part Ray Rice. This just goes to show you that the Packers will not commit to the run until they literally do not have enough active receivers to go three wide.

49ers 32- Cardinals 20

The San Francisco 49ers secured a big divisional win the increasingly tight NFC West. Vernon Davis contributed a huge day with two touchdowns on 180 yards receiving. Davis said that it was just one of those day when you get in a zone, which fans like me can totally relate to, like last week when I got in the zone made perfect sandwiches all week. #TunaMeltsInYourMouth #GrilledCheeseWiz

Cowboys 31- Redskins 16

The Dallas Cowboys took care of their biggest rival at home with the help of 222 total return yards from Dwayne Harris including a punt return for a touchdown and 90 yard kick return that set up another score. It is hard to tell who has less momentum in Washington, the 1-4 Redskins heading into their bye week or, Washington politicians who apparently are already in their bye month.

Bears 27- Giants 21

Could Eli Manning actually get benched? He has won two Super Bowls but he is playing like he rips super bowls right before he takes the field. At what point can you diagnose Chuck Knoblauch syndrome?