NFL

Rabbit Punches Week 4: ’72 Dolphins Scramble to Cut Down Broncos

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Patriots 30- Falcons 23
The Patriots who were supposed have no big name offensive weapons beyond Tom Brady, move to 4-0. The Falcons who were supposed to have all of the offensive weapons under the Sun falls to 1-3.  To put this in perspective, its like if Tony Stark (Iron Man) lost a fight to the United Nations.

Broncos 52- Eagles 20
Through four games Peyton Manning threw a record 16 touchdown passes and no interceptions. Behind Manning and a quality defense the Broncos look all but unbeatable early in the season. Many people believe that this early performance from Manning and the Broncos make them Super Bowl favorites, but they will not truly be a locked in as Super Bowl favorites until the surviving ’72 Dolphins start picking out their flaws.

Bills 23- Ravens 20
On week after it looked like the Baltimore Ravens had gotten back on track, Joe Flacco threw five interceptions on the way to a three-point loss to the Bills. In Baltimore’s defense, throwing five interactions and still only losing by three might be more impressive than beating Houston 30-9.

Browns 17- Bengals 6
What in the world is going on in Cleveland? After trading their overall best football player, Trent Richardson, the Browns won two straight games staring Brian Hoyer at quarterback. Hoyer, formerly the third string and a Cleveland native, lived out his childhood dream of throwing a game winning touchdown for the hometown team. Then again, dreaming to be the hero of Cleveland when you grow up is kind of like dreaming to be the president… of your book club.

Lions 40- Bears 32
The Lions tied up the division with a win over the Bears on Sunday. With Jay Cutler, you take the good with the bad, and after three interceptions, Sunday was a bad day for Jay. With Reggie Bush, you take the good with the bad, and yesterday Bush was dominant and stayed healthy. Taking the good with the bad is a lesson Bush learned well at USC.

Chiefs 31- Giants 7
The Chiefs walloped the Giants in Kansas City. The Chiefs are 4-0, while the Giants fall to 0-4. Oh and also, free ice skating lessons all this month in hell, Southwest Airlines has hired the first swine pilot, and Officer Rod Farva’s sh*t just turned purple and smells of rainbow sherbet.