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Could Alabama Beat The New York Jets?

SanchezalaLet me get this straight just so we’re all on the same page here. The question is: could the University of Alabama Crimson Tide football team of the National Collegiate Athletic Association defeat the New York Jets of the National Football League?

The answer is an overwhelming, resounding, unequivocal, absolute NO.

Anytime there are worse-than-usual expectations of the last place NFL team, droves of ‘analysts’ within the Twittersphere are quick to point out that the NCAA’s best team would be victorious in a head-to-head matchup. When the Detroit Lions went 0-16 in 2008 there was chatter that the Florida Gators and their vaunted SEC defense could take ’em down. Five years later and the Jets are looking more and more as the bottom dwelling pro team that would assuredly fall victim to the BCS champion Crimson Tide.

Yes, these are real people and they're allowed to reproduce.

Yes, these are real people AND they’re allowed to reproduce.

In effort to put this ludicrous excuse for an argument to rest, let’s break it down by examining the facts on both sides and see if Alabama truly is good enough to beat the Jets.

The Tide that rolls

Over the past four seasons, Alabama has won the BCS Championship three times, including back-to-back championships in 2011 and 2012, bulldozing the competition handily.

The main key to Alabama’s success can be attributed to head coach Nick Saban, who, at this point, could recruit and develop Mantei Te’o’s nonexistent dead girlfriend into at least a third round draft pick.

The 2013 Alabama squad is shaping up to pulverize the SEC yet again, returning six starters on offense and seven on defense, including running back T.J. Yeldon – who rushed for 1,108 yards and 12 touchdowns as Eddie Lacy’s backup. Alabama’s backfield will also feature Derrick Henry, the number one ranked high school athlete last year, who averaged 328 yards rushing per game, a national record.

Additionally, according to a CBS Sports 2014 Mock Draft, Alabama is projected to have nine players selected in next year’s draft, including four in the first round.

AJ McCarron, Christion Jones, DJ Fluker

Alabama QB A.J. McCarron after scoring the game winning touchdown versus the New York Jets LSU Tigers.

What does this all mean? Alabama football is good. Very good.

Returning 13 starters, possessing the number one defense, recruiting class, and backfield in the NCAA in addition to Nick Saban as your coach is a recipe for domination.

When the dust is settled, it’s safe to assume that the Tide will roll to an undefeated season, culminating in a triumph over Urban Meyer’s Ohio State Buckeyes in the BCS Championship Game. That is, of course, unless Colorado State pulls an Appalachian State style C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER and waltzes out of Bryant-Denny Stadium with a shocking upset. Probably not.

J-E-T-S, BAD!, BAD!, BAD!

The Jets are bad. So bad that even their unofficial mascot, Fireman Ed, shamefully called it quits last year. They leave a bad taste in your mouth. Kind of like when you accidentally eat the salsa that’s been in the fridge for two years and immediately cringe – you know the taste.

Just how bad are they, though? Well, Jeremy Kerley and Stephen Hill are the starting wide receivers and have a combined total of 105 career receptions. Bilal Powell and Chris Ivory will be featured in the backfield with their 714 combined career rushing yards.

And at quarterback? Fu manchu having butt-fumbler Mark Sanchez, flustered rookie Geno Smith, or Alabama’s own Greg McElroy. Jury’s still out on Smith, of course, but as it stands today, none are currently fit to be a starting quarterback in the NFL.

All of the weight Rex Ryan lost during the offseason will be gained back (plus an additional 30) from the stress-induced overeating he’s going to endure watching Sanchez somehow throw three interceptions to the retired Ronde Barber.

Given all of this, the mighty Crimson Tide could pull it off, right? They could do the unthinkable and beat the woeful Jets!

ryansad

“That baked brie stuffed in a deep fried twinkie wrapped in bacon looks pretty good.”

No. Seriously, stop it

This would never happen. There’s a higher likelihood of John Cena appearing as Stanley opposite Kristen Stewart’s Blanche in a Baz Luhrmann adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire than Alabama has of beating, much less scoring a single point against the Jets.

What percent of the Jets roster is signed to an NFL team? 100%. Of their 53-person roster, how many are NFL players? All of them. Yep, even the third string tight end. What’s more, have you seen NFL players? They’re huge. Enormous. Colossal. They also compete against other NFL players, meaning that year after year, they have to be bigger, better, and stronger in order to stay competitive. That’s not a problem in college football.

It’s ridiculous to believe that a college football team full of 18-21 year old’s could, regardless of how many are considered ‘draft ready’, beat a team with 53 professionals that are stronger, quicker, and more skilled in every facet of the game.

So please, the next time you see someone trying to make this argument please hand them a football and direct them into Adrian Peterson’s rushing lane. That should settle it.