The title is not a misnomer. The Miami Marlins, who are in contention for MLB’s worst team with the Houston Astros, have not scored a run during a MLB-sanctioned game since July 14. That is seven days for all you English majors. Now, that number is a little misleading because the All-Star Game took place last week, but they still had a 3-game set this weekend versus the NL Central’s cellar dweller Milwaukee Brewers and put up three straight donuts.
The Brewers, far from being the team they were with Prince Fielder and Zack Grienke, and who are currently missing Ryan “Buscemi Eyes” Braun, were able to complete the three shutout sweep with a 13-inning 1-0 game yesterday. The highlight of the game? A male fan at the game playing with his boobs. (Someone, for the love of God, please tell this guy about the Bro.) We’re getting away from the point here – it’s not like the Brewers are good or anything. The Marlins just can’t score this year. Maybe someone should tell them that outscoring your opponent is the object of the game.
Currently settled in at 19 games behind the first-place Braves, the Marlins are scoring at a league worst 3.18 runs/game. Their most recent stretch of terribleness – a 4-game losing streak – only further proves their scoring futility. In those 41 innings, they have scored a total of 2 runs and have not actually put a run on the board for the past 37 of those. In fact, since the 3rd inning of a blowout win versus the Washington Nationals on July 12, the Marlins have scored 5 runs in their last 58 innings. Who in their right mind are fans of this team? Maybe this is why – in order to sell tickets to games – they have to hold commemoration nights for players on opposing teams.
So, is this as bad as the title suggests? No, absolutely not. Is it still bad? Absolutely. Will it get any better? Probably not. At least there’s a huge fish tank behind home plate and mechanical marlins spin in a circle when a home run is it, so it’s not all bad. Right? Let’s get pumped for the rest of the season, Miami! Promo…ENGAGE!
