Heart Attack Grill’s Unofficial Mascot Dies — World Not Shocked

We hope you’re sitting down for this one (and preferably not in front of one of these), but long-time greeter/spokesperson/mascot of the Heart Attack Grill, John Alleman, died on Monday due to complications from…wait for it…a heart attack! The 52-year-old Alleman was not officially an employee of the Grill, but as a faithful patron of its Downtown Las Vegas location since 2011, he became the face of the calorie-packed eatery.

Alleman is the second Heart Attack Grill spokesperson to die. Blair Rivers, a 575-pound “Gentle Giant” (as described by owner Jon Basso), passed away in 2011. Alleman clocked in at only 180 pounds, but if menu items titled “Quadruple Bypass Burger” — four half-pound beef patties, eight slices of American cheese, a whole tomato, half an onion, and 20(!) slices of bacon, served in a lard-coated bun — are part of your daily routine, odds of survival are not in your favor, no matter what your dimensions.