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Rabbit Punches: RBs Covering More Ground than a Broken Hearted Forrest Gump

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Cam Newton dominated as the Carolina Panthers defeated the Falcons. Wins like this one over the first place Falcons are keeping the Carolina faithful happy, and keep Newton’s mom from jumping ship for that white kid in a red cutoff sleeve t-shirt.

The New York Jets got back to ground and pound and positioned themselves one game out of the wild card sport. Finding a viable way to win, the Jets may feel better about themselves than any other team after a win over the Jaguars.

Robert Griffin III left the game with a knee injury that turned out to be a grade 1 LCL sprain.  It is safe to say that RG3 is the greatest football player of all time because he is even athletic enough to protect his ACL and MCL in a knee injury, unlike that un-athletic and overrated Tom Brady.

Nick Foles threw 2 touchdowns in the last four minutes to beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This win ends a losing streak in Philadelphia that I am sure they never imagined in their dreams (team).

Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts improved to 9-4 with a win over the Tennessee Titans. Andrew Luck continues to break every rookie record in the book, but he did not win the Heisman as a Freshman, so what has he really accomplished.

Rookie David Wilson broke out with 327 all-purpose yards while the New York Giants ran all over the streaky New Orleans Saints. Wilson covered more ground than a master’s thesis on new methods of preparation of the coffee bean.

A big first half from Adrian Peterson helped cast a shadow over the playoff picture in the NFC North. Peterson covered more ground than a highly caffeinated professor leading a review session before a comprehensive final exam on European history.

The Seattle Seahawks ran for 284 yards on their way to dismantling the Arizona Cardinals. Marshawn Lynch scored 3 rushing touchdowns  and covered more ground than Forrest Gump after getting abandoned by Jenny.

Trent Richardson and the Cleveland Browns are heating up and really starting to show signs of life. Trent Richardson tied Jim Browns franchise rookie touchdown record. With all these positive signs and Richardson playing like an All Pro, combined with the Browns’ unlucky  history makes me fear for the safety of everyone Richardson has ever loved.

Sam Bradford threw a game winning touchdown pass with 48 seconds left to beat the Buffalo Bills. Bradford and the Rams are undefeated in their division and have won their last 3 games. Unfortunately for Bradford he started leading his team to victory as a third year player instead of a rookie so we are not allowed to talk about him.

The San Diego Chargers took down the Pittsburgh Steelers in Ben Roethlisberger’s return from a shoulder and rib injury. If the Steelers had planned to lose the Chargers they should have just played Charlie Batch so there would be and easy target for a joke.

The Green Bay Packers believe they can win the division and even have a chance for a first round bye as they sit with a one game lead in the division and playing the Bears next week. The Packers new confidence comes from beating the Detroit Lions on Sunday Night Football and a magic fairy coming down and fixing all their problems on defense and offensive line.

Unfortunately, for the second week in a row, it would be in poor taste to joke about an NFL team. The Dallas Cowboys won on a late game field goal, but hearts and minds were elsewhere. When faced with hard decisions, take you time and seek help from those who have been there before. Driving under the influence is no hard decision, it is never worth the risk.
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