Rabbit Punches: What Each NFL Team is Thankful For

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

Last week it felt like 72 straight hours of football, with 3 games on Thursday, the regular Sunday lineup, and the Monday night game. That much football is something all NFL fans can be thankful for over this time of Thanksgiving. NFL teams have plenty to be thankful for as well. And here’s what each team is most thankful for after last week’s games.

The Houston Texans are thankful for a semantic rule that you can’t throw a challenge flag on a scoring play, while Jim Schwartz is giving thanks that in Ndamukong Suh did not stomp on his head after he cost the Lions the game.

The Washington Redskins are thankful they got everything they wished for out of Robert Griffin III and didn’t get JaMarcus Russell’ed. The Dallas Cowboys give thanks that inexplicably they are still considered America’s Team and get to play on Thanksgiving every year.

Bill Belichick is thankful for the skill and good fortune to have won his 200th game in the NFL, while most of the New York Jets are thankful for gainful employment.

Carson Palmer is thankful to be playing in Oakland and the Cincinnati Bengals are thankful that Carson Palmer is playing in Oakland.

The Cleveland Browns offer up their thanks to the ‘God of third string quarterbacks,’ who sent them Charlie Batch and their 3rd win of the season. The Pittsburgh Steelers drop a game to a lowly division rival but give thanks for the phrase “out of the last,” as in, “The Steelers have won 21 out of the last 24 match ups with the Cleveland Browns.”

The Buffalo Bills give thanks this week that not all of their contracts are guaranteed money. The Indianapolis Colts win their 7th game and give thanks for Andrew Luck and the transition of a dynasty almost as seamless as when Jimmy Johnson took over The U of Miami (The U) from Howard Schnellenberger.

The Seattle Seahawks, Minnesota Vikings, and Tampa Bay Buccaneers are all thankful that the other 2 also laid an egg this week. All (6-4) before, all (6-5) after.

On the flip side of those 3 games The Chicago Bears and The Atlanta Falcons give thanks for leading their respective divisions while The Miami Dolphins were thankful on Sunday that the fans at Buffalo Wild Wings wanted them to win.

The Denver Broncos possibly have the most to be thankful for, having exchanged the worlds most popular personal protector for a Hall of Famer at quarter back. The Kansas City Chiefs give thanks that you can score points in football even if you cannot score a touchdown.

Honestly, neither of The Jacksonville Jaguars nor The Tennessee Titans have much to be thankful after last week except that they are not playing in Los Angles or London.

Norv Turner must be giving thanks that his days a numbered in a job that everyone hate him, while the Baltimore Ravens must be thankful they have a miracle up their sleeve named Ray Rice.

The San Francisco 49ers are thankful that Colin Kaepernick has been good enough to avoid a quarter back controversy. The New Orleans Saints must be thankful that the conversation is just about football.

The St. Louis Rams gave thanks for rookie Ryan Lindley’s 4 interceptions. The Arizona Cardinals in turn are thankful Lindley was never their long term plan.

The New York Giants give thanks for holes in the Green Bay Packers offensive line bigger than the holes in the cheese on their heads. Aaron Rodgers is thankful for whatever pain killers do not fall under banned substances.
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