Culture, Featured, NFL

Athletes Who Should Be “High” On Joining The Broncos

Colorado has now legalized marijuana (along with Washington), and with that in mind we decided to throw together the new look Denver Broncos if certain players had their way.  There are no real criteria, except you may notice a certain trend towards players that may (or may not) enjoy the reefer.

Here is a look at some suggestions that the Broncos should consider getting their hands on in the off-season.

Quarterback – Michael Vick

Remember when Michael Vick was stopped in the Miami Airport for having marijuana in his water bottle?  We do.  We also remember when he tested positive for marijuana during a random drug test. He’ll be a decent backup if Peyton Manning retires or gets his neck snapped…again.

Running Back – Ricky Williams

Ricky has never made his love of the wacky tabaccy a secret.  I imagine he’s played more games high than not, to be fair.  He’ll make an excellent addition to this team.  He failed three drug tests in a year’s time before announcing his retirement…and then returning.  We assume he forgot he had retired.

Running Back – Marshawn Lynch

Ricky, his love of weed aside, tends to get hurt a bunch. That being said, who better than Marshawn Lynch to swing in and pick up the bong?  He was picked up in 2009 (three days after the Pro Bowl) when cops smelled weed in his car during a routine stop.   The cops also  found a gun, but that is neither here nor there.

Wide Receiver – Randy Moss

Randy is having a decent year having returned from the exile of retirement to the San Francisco 49ers.  Let’s not forget, however, that back in 1996, Randy Moss smoked a joint just prior to turning himself in to jail for misdemeanor battery while in high school.  He then tested positive for weed in 2001 and, later, admitted to Bryant Gumbel that he has smoked marijuana during his NFL career “every blue moon.”

Wide Receiver – Santonio Holmes

Talk about adding offensive firepower to an already potent lineup!  Santonio Holmes would give the Broncos a fantastic option at receiver, but he also knows his way around the weed pipe. Holmes was cited for marijuana possession in 2008, resulting in a one-game paid suspension by the Steelers. That was strike one, according to the league policy. To land the suspension, he either tested positive or missed a drug test.  Guess what? He was suspended for four more games in 2010 for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.

Defensive Tackle – Nick Fairley

A first round pick out of Auburn, Nick Fairley has been a beast on the field.  Fortunately for this list, there are other fields he is a beast in.  In April 2012, Nick was cited for second-degree possession of marijuana after being pulled over in Alabama.  What led to his arrest? Neighbors were complaining that he frequently sped through town in his car, which we find odd for someone who regularly enjoys marijuana.

 

Lendale White -No explanation needed

 

We also have a few coaching suggestions by way of former players who could would be pleased to join the Broncos coaching staff.

 

Samuel Hurd is the front runner for making Tony Montana look small time.  He tried to buy five to 10 kilograms of cocaine and 1,000 pounds of marijuana per WEEK.

Nate Newton: Yes, the Nate Newton who was apprehended with 175 pounds of marijuana in his truck.

Bam Morris: The running back who played for four teams, including the Bears in 1998, was arrested for possession of marijuana and cocaine in 1996 and received a fine, community service and probation. In 2000, he pleaded guilty to trafficking and was sentenced to 30 months in prison.

Mercury Morris: A member of the undefeated 1972 Dolphins and a three time Pro Bowler, Morris pleaded no contest to felony drug trafficking charges in 1982. He was given a 20-year sentence, but Morris later won an appeal and took a plea bargain that allowed him to leave prison in 1986.

Darryl Henley: A starting cornerback for the Rams in the early ’90s, Henley was sentenced to 20 years in prison on drug trafficking charges in 1995. Two years later another 21 years were added to his sentence when he pleaded guilty to trying to hire a contract killer to put a hit on his sentencing judge and a witness in his case.

Johnny Jolly: The Packers defensive lineman was charged with possession of a compound containing codeine after he previously had pleaded guilty to a codeine possession charge. Jolly recently was sentenced to six years in prison.

Jamal Lewis: In 2004, the former Ravens and Browns running back was charged with attempting to possess five kilos of cocaine with intent to distribute. He was sentenced to four months of prison.

Travis Henry: The former running back who played for the Bills, Titans and Broncos between 2001 and 2007 was sentenced to three years in prison and ordered to pay $4 million in fines after being caught trafficking 15 pounds of cocaine.

Willie Andrews: He played in Super Bowl XLII for the Patriots, and two days later was arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to distribute. Later that year, he was charged with conspiracy to possess hydrocodone with intent to distribute and also with possession of a firearm during a drug-trafficking crime.

By adding these seasoned veterans, the Broncos can bolster their already potent team.  These guys will also be able to handle the constant questions from the media about what it’s like to play in a state where marijuana has been legalized.

The only thing left at this point is to change the name of the stadium to “Mild High”.