“Hi, my name is Mike and I’m a New York Jets fan. I fell off the wagon a long time ago, actually I was born “off the wagon” and didn’t realize the power it has held over me for some time. I recently completed my 12 step-program and am thinking I have found a spiritual awakening, or at least have come to terms with my terrible addiction. Here is my grueling path…”
- Step 1 – I admit I am powerless over my addiction.
Off-season acquisitions and pre-season Rex speeches have turned me into a mindless drone convincing myself that I will see a Jets Super Bowl victory in my lifetime. I really believe it to happen despite what Peter King and the rest of the Sports Illustrated crew says…every year, I’m a Jets believer.
- Step 2 – I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
His name was Tim Tebow. He could hold the keys to post-season eternal bliss; if he were able to take more than 3 snaps a game.
- Step 3 – I made a decision to turn my will and my sports dreams & life over to the care of Rex Ryan, as I understood he would lead us to the Promised Land.
However, his personal quest against the cheeseburger has bettered himself, it has done nothing in terms of pre-game motivating conversations to 53 obviously deflated & battered down football players.
- Step 4 – I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
“Do I need the big green ground and pound machine?” In the words of Sonny from A Bronx Tale, “if your dad needs money, go ask Darrelle Revis. See what happens. Darrelle Revis doesn’t care about you, so why should you care about him.”
He may not pay my rent, but he does provide a much-needed boost to our only claim to a winning season – a strong secondary. I’ll stick with them until he blows out his knee or something…oh wait…dang it Step 4!!
- Step 5 – I admit to myself and to other human beings the exact nature of my wrongs.
I chat publicly about Ken O’Brien and Al Toon, sport an old Curtis Martin jersey at the bar down the street from me and curse ever liking Keyshawn Johnson, …what more do I need to do?
- Step 6 – I am entirely ready to have faith to remove all these defects of character.
I’ve convinced myself long enough that it’s OK to be a Jets fan. It’s time to deal with my self-inflicting pain and realize that I have wronged others in my choice for a pro football team, but more importantly, myself.
- Step 7 – I humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings.
Humbly…I’m flat out begging him to release me of my overdue belief that Tim Tebow is going to turn it all around, that he’d come in on 3 and 7, and for once throw a pass to someone whom could catch the ball. Everyone knows he’s there to run the ball. Mr. Sparano…you’re supposed to trick the defense. Oh, wait, this is about me, sorry.
- Step 8 – I made a list of all persons I have harmed, and am willing to make amends to them all.
- Woody Johnson
- Mike Tannenbaum
- Rex Ryan
- Chad Pennington
- Vinny Testaverde
- Eric Mangini
…that should suffice for my first go-around
- Step 9 – I made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
I’m sorry Step 9; I’m just not there yet. If I met Mike Tannenbaum in an alley, I am not sure what my reaction would be.
- Step 10 – I continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong promptly admit it.
Every Sunday I admit it after I throw some of my personal inventory out of my 2nd floor apartment window into the East Village. Why couldn’t my dad have been a Giants fan?
- Step 11 – I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
Tim, if I was Tony Sparano, I’d let you hike the ball every down…or better yet, let you line up like a sideways i-formation Knute Rockne style and hike it to you, Joe McKnight or Jeremy Kerly…at least I know something interesting would happen.
- Step 12 – I have had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps; I’ve tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all of my affairs.
“Step 1 – admit that you’re a Jets addict.”