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Rabbit Punches: Hilarious Jokes about the NFL week 4!

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

The main story today is the news about the Colts’ head coach Chuck Pagano began his fight against leukemia. The early reports are the he will be out for some time but it is treatable. Obviously there is no joke here, this is just one of those situations in that pop up in life that can remind us all to cherish our health and our time on this earth. Pagano was living out his dream as one of only 32 head NFL coaches, and we should all be so lucky to live out dreams like that. My dream is to write a moderately popular weekly sports blog post that makes jokes out of headline news. I am still chasing that ‘moderate’ milestone.

The Philadelphia Eagles are the first team in history to win 3 of their first 4 games by 2 or fewer points. Michael Vick is not worried about the slim margin of victory because football is just like dog fighting, a win is a win.

Thanks to the help of 2 return touchdowns, my Minnesota Vikings defeated the Detroit Lions to improve to 3-1. The Vikings have relied on defense, explosive special teams, and a controlled offense to lead the NFC North. The Lions have relied simply on tradition to start 1-3.

The Atlanta Falcons needed a crazy drive and some terrible coverage to stay undefeated against the Carolina Panthers. A lot has been made about Cam Newton’s demeanor after the slow start for the Panthers, but if the Panthers continue to struggle, Newton will spend next offseason working with Jay Cutler on how to alienate an entire fan base.

Peyton Manning returned to old form this week, in a definitive win for modern medicine. Manning’s neck and Willis McGahee’s knee are just Kellen Winslow and a motorcycle away from being the greatest rehab offense of all time.

The Buffalo Bills absolutely caved at home against the New England Patriots. In fact the Bills defense collapsed so efficiently in the second half, it is now available at Ikea. Some $100 million assembly required.

Kansas City Chiefs had 6 turnovers in what can be assumed was underground advertisement for Arby’s terrible desserts.

Mark Sanchez finds himself the QB of the worst offense in football, after Santonio Holmes suffered what is now being called a foot injury. Sanchez has no line, no weapons, and is going to lose football games. That can only means one thing, Sal Paolantonio is renting a studio apartment next to the Jets facility as the circus gets ready to come to town.

The Houston Texans are making the game of football look easy. How easy you ask? Easier than finding distrust in Andy Reid in Philadelphia. Easier than pointing out an NFL player in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Easier than saving 15% by switching to Gieco.
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