Rabbit Punches: NBA Finals, Kevin Youkilis, Jerry Sandusky, Tony Parker, Wimbledon

A Rabbit Punch has two meanings, both of which describe the nature of the article. 1. A series of fast punches. 2. An illegal punch to the back of the head between the skull and the first vertebrate that can cause permanent damage to the nerves or death.

The Miami Heat won the NBA Championship. Eric Spoelstra is very relieved he will not have to coach the Golden State Warriors next season.

LeBron James won his first NBA Championship and an NBA Finals MVP, but unfortunately was not able to silence his critics. Somehow he made them louder.

I voiced my disdain for James in the past but I will give credit where credit is due. LeBron James did what he had to do to win a Championship. He developed a back-to-the-basket post game 9 years into his career. And I give all the credit in the world to Dwayne Wade for bringing all the talent he could to his team in South Beach.

The OKC Thunder fell short of winning an NBA title. This comes as a relief to James Harden who was not quite ready to shave his beard.

 The Boston Red Sox traded Kevin Youkilis to the Chicago White Sox after he left a Red Sox in the white load one too many times, turning all of their white uniforms pink.

Wimbledon beings this week at the All England Club. Andy Murray once again attempts to end the 76 year drought of a hometown Brit winning Wimbledon. All thing considered this really is the only thing the British have had to complain about in the last couple of centuries.

Jerry Sandusky was found guilty of 45 out of 48 charges of child sex abuse. As it turns out, the 3 instances Sandusky was not found guilty, he was just being a quality mentor. 3 for 48, even Shaq’s free throws think that’s a bad percentage. Sandusky will most likely request to be placed in a minimum security prison, claiming the fate awaiting him in a regular prison qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment. The request will be denied, as this is clearly not a case of cruel and unusual punishment but Golden Rule punishment.

There will finally be a playoff system in BCS college football. In similar news, New Coke was a bad idea, cigarettes can give you cancer, David Spade was better while Chris Farley was alive, and the Pope is in fact Catholic.

Tony Parker is suing a New York City club for $20 million after suffering an injury to his eye resulting from a fight in the club between Chris Brown and Drake. In a related story, Brian Scalabrine got mad at Tone Loc and DJ Jazzy Jeff because neither of them would split a Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny’s.

The Viking’s Percy Harvin came out asking for a trade this week, citing the complete lack of sexy boat parties during his time in Minnesota.

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